hat the hell I was thinking when I thought it would be nice for my daughter to have the birthday party she wanted? I have never intentionally given her everything she has ever asked for except at Christmas and birthdays, and then only when the request has been reasonable.So here is the story of the so-called "Sweet Sixteen" party. It actually started when she was twelve and in 6th grade when she wanted "a hotel party". I never discovered where she got that particular idea from, but she was told that we were not going to rent a hotel room for her and her friends and a hotel party wasn't going to happen at age twelve or at any other age under 21. The next big party idea was born out of her friends' bat- and bar-mitzvah celebrations. There were indeed some impressive invitations to parties held in hotel ballrooms with entertainment and party favors and many guests in their finery. Since we aren't Jewish, I haven't experienced such events firsthand, but I don't doubt that they make quite an impression on a non-Jewish thirteen-year-old.
I only slowly came to realise that American families still hold Sweet Sixteen parties for their daughters. I imagined they had died out in the 1960s because the only TV show on which I had seen one depicted was "Happy Days". The "Sweet Sixteen" phenomenon doesn't exist in the UK and the expectations of teenagers are poles apart so this is very new ground to me. I can't seem to explain things to her in a way that she is willing and able to hear and she accuses me of not listening to her. I certainly am listening, but what she doesn't like is that I'm not agreeing to everything she wants. The "Sweet Sixteens" (and there's an oxymoron if ever there was one) I have heard about have ranged from a family dinner with cake, to an expensive night out with a group of friends to a hotel party with a DJ. When DD1 started saying a year ago "when I have my Sweet Sixteen" I should have known something was brewing.
Early November
Sweet 16: I want the hypnotist at my party
Me: How much does he charge?
I make the inquiry and am told he charges $400 per show
Me: If we agree, it will have to be your birthday present because it's a lot of money
Sweet 16: If it's going to be my present I want the party to be the way I want it.
Me: The family (four of us) must also be invited. If we had any family within a thousand miles, they'd be coming too.
Exit Sweet Sixteen
Mid-December
Me to hubby: I'd like to go ahead and book the hypnotist - we could do a surprise party for her.
Hubby: OK, I have no objections if that's what you want to do
Later that day... I cannot keep a secret
Me: (very pleased) I've booked the hypnotist; he's coming on your birthday
Sweet 16: Wait... what time?
Me: (very pleased) I've booked the hypnotist; he's coming on your birthday
Sweet 16: Wait... what time?
Me: (waiting for a thank you) 9 o'clock in the evening and you have a half day so there's time to help get ready
Sweet 16: Okaaayy... (pause) Wait... what show is he doing?
Me: (still very pleased and hoping for approval) Hypnotism and mind-reading. That's what you wanted, right?
Me: (still very pleased and hoping for approval) Hypnotism and mind-reading. That's what you wanted, right?
Sweet 16: Yeahh...
Me: ...so we'll have to agree on how many guests you can have and on the invitations.
Sweet 16: I'll invite people on Facebook
Me: No, we need to know who's here and we should have proper invitations. They can RSVP to me by email if you like.
Sweet 16: No! That's creepy! I'm not asking my friends to email my parents! We never use email.
Later....
The next day...
Sweet 16: I'll invite people on Facebook
Me: No, we need to know who's here and we should have proper invitations. They can RSVP to me by email if you like.
Sweet 16: No! That's creepy! I'm not asking my friends to email my parents! We never use email.
Later....
Sweet 16: I want a black and white theme with everyone wearing black and white, but I'm going to wear red, and I want wristbands.
Me: Wristbands? What for?
Sweet 16: So people wear them when they come and we know they're invited.
Me: We'd better know everyone! We don't need wristbands.
Sweet 16: But I want them. Everyone has them.
Me: We can stamp their hands when they arrive. I have a purple inkpad.
Sweet 16: No I want wristbands.
Me: We need a budget.
Much later....
Me: I've been looking online for some invitation ideas. We can do photo cards or we can make our own with nice stationery. What do you think of these?
Sweet 16: Did you use a Wedding invitation for this?
Me: Yes, how did you know?
Sweet 16: It has two doves on it.
Me: Oops.
Much later...
Sweet 16: I like these.
Me: (looking) Those are $70! That's too much.
Sweet 16: I don't like any of them anyway.
Me: Send me a photo of you (I'm not allowed to take photos of her any more so meet with her approval I have to ask for self-portraits)
Several days later
Me: I'm allocating a budget of $100 for invitations, decorations and extras. You can invite 19 people, making 20 altogether, with you.
Sweet 16: 19 won't be enough
Me: well if you must invite more, 25 is the absolute maximum
Later....
Sweet 16: I've got 28 people....
After Christmas
Me: We need to decide on those invitations so we can get them out in the New year.
Sweet 16: (after looking online and off and liking nothing) I don't care, I'll just put it on Facebook
Me: Wristbands? What for?
Sweet 16: So people wear them when they come and we know they're invited.
Me: We'd better know everyone! We don't need wristbands.
Sweet 16: But I want them. Everyone has them.
Me: We can stamp their hands when they arrive. I have a purple inkpad.
Sweet 16: No I want wristbands.
Me: We need a budget.
Much later....
Me: I've been looking online for some invitation ideas. We can do photo cards or we can make our own with nice stationery. What do you think of these?
Sweet 16: Did you use a Wedding invitation for this?
Me: Yes, how did you know?
Sweet 16: It has two doves on it.
Me: Oops.
Much later...
Sweet 16: I like these.
Me: (looking) Those are $70! That's too much.
Sweet 16: I don't like any of them anyway.
Me: Send me a photo of you (I'm not allowed to take photos of her any more so meet with her approval I have to ask for self-portraits)
Several days later
Me: I'm allocating a budget of $100 for invitations, decorations and extras. You can invite 19 people, making 20 altogether, with you.
Sweet 16: 19 won't be enough
Me: well if you must invite more, 25 is the absolute maximum
Later....
Sweet 16: I've got 28 people....
After Christmas
Me: We need to decide on those invitations so we can get them out in the New year.
Sweet 16: (after looking online and off and liking nothing) I don't care, I'll just put it on Facebook
The next day...
Me: (after three hours online designing inexpensive photo invitation card) What do you think of this?
Actual constructive discussion occurs, resulting in positive input from Sweet 16, new wording and new photos and an approved invitation ordered. A miracle!
Later...
Sweet 16: So can I section off the party room like I said?
(This would involve using sheets to cover openings and stairways in our open-plan house and effectively cut the family off. )
Me: I don;t think that would work and why do you want to section if off?
Sweet 16: I want it to be dark and I want people to know where to go
Me: You can tell them when they come in
Sweet 16: I'm not going to stand at the door and say "hi, welcome to my party and can I take your coat! I want to say it's up there, just go in"
(Me to self: What, do you think I'm reinventing Little Lord Fauntleroy's birthday party here...?)
... and I want it dark and I don't want you two on armchairs watching TV or on the computers on in the middle of the room watching us.
Me: We are going to be here to watch over things.
Sweet 16: You can be downstairs.
Me: We have to be able to make sure everything's OK and there's no alcohol or anything untoward occurring.
Sweet 16: What do you think my friends are like?
Me: This is America. We are responsible for what happens in our house. Someone might decide to do something stupid. (Thinks: sexting... inappropriate groping in the dark.... alcohol... prescription drugs... I know what happened when I was sixteen)
Sweet 16: Fine. You'll sit in the middle of the room and watch TV.
Me: No - I thought your friends might like to use the Wii in the other room.
Sweet 16: You'll be in the middle of the room staring at us and it'll be awkward.
Me: No we won't but we will be around to keep an eye on things.
Sweet 16: You aren't listening to me.
Me: Yes I am. I understand what you want. I'm happy for you to have decorations, and have the lights out, but we have to be able to come in and check on things.
Sweet 16: You'll want all the lights on and it'll be awkward! You aren't listening to me!
Me: We are paying a lot of money for this party and it will be done properly. We will be here because we are responsible for what happens in our house, but you can have the lights off and the dancing and loud music but you can't keep us out.
Sweet 16: You suck! You're always going to bring that up aren't you. every time I do one thing wrong you're going to say "we paid a lot of money for that party and this is what you do in return".
Exit Sweet 16.
That's the drama so far, people. The party will take place on January 22nd. Further developments will be published as they occur.
Remember. We have another daughter who will be 16 in 2013...
Actual constructive discussion occurs, resulting in positive input from Sweet 16, new wording and new photos and an approved invitation ordered. A miracle!
Later...
Sweet 16: So can I section off the party room like I said?
(This would involve using sheets to cover openings and stairways in our open-plan house and effectively cut the family off. )
Me: I don;t think that would work and why do you want to section if off?
Sweet 16: I want it to be dark and I want people to know where to go
Me: You can tell them when they come in
Sweet 16: I'm not going to stand at the door and say "hi, welcome to my party and can I take your coat! I want to say it's up there, just go in"
(Me to self: What, do you think I'm reinventing Little Lord Fauntleroy's birthday party here...?)
... and I want it dark and I don't want you two on armchairs watching TV or on the computers on in the middle of the room watching us.
Me: We are going to be here to watch over things.
Sweet 16: You can be downstairs.
Me: We have to be able to make sure everything's OK and there's no alcohol or anything untoward occurring.
Sweet 16: What do you think my friends are like?
Me: This is America. We are responsible for what happens in our house. Someone might decide to do something stupid. (Thinks: sexting... inappropriate groping in the dark.... alcohol... prescription drugs... I know what happened when I was sixteen)
Sweet 16: Fine. You'll sit in the middle of the room and watch TV.
Me: No - I thought your friends might like to use the Wii in the other room.
Sweet 16: You'll be in the middle of the room staring at us and it'll be awkward.
Me: No we won't but we will be around to keep an eye on things.
Sweet 16: You aren't listening to me.
Me: Yes I am. I understand what you want. I'm happy for you to have decorations, and have the lights out, but we have to be able to come in and check on things.
Sweet 16: You'll want all the lights on and it'll be awkward! You aren't listening to me!
Me: We are paying a lot of money for this party and it will be done properly. We will be here because we are responsible for what happens in our house, but you can have the lights off and the dancing and loud music but you can't keep us out.
Sweet 16: You suck! You're always going to bring that up aren't you. every time I do one thing wrong you're going to say "we paid a lot of money for that party and this is what you do in return".
Exit Sweet 16.
That's the drama so far, people. The party will take place on January 22nd. Further developments will be published as they occur.
Remember. We have another daughter who will be 16 in 2013...
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