Diets and change

Last night I did a little tweaking here and changed the look of my blog. I'm not really inspired by the available themes but I don't feel like paying and I can't be bothered to figure out hos to do my own.

So yesterday I decided that I needed to take myself in hand once again and put myself back on the straight and narrow path leading to freedom from fat. Oh yes. Over many years of being overweight, losing it, gaining it back and worse, I've made some observations about myself.

1. That without fail, if I lose weight and regain it, I will always end up heavier than when I started.
2. Carbohydrates are easy to grab, easy to eat, are not as filling as they ought to be and leave me wanting more. Carbohydrates are not my friends.
3. Weighing and measuring food is tedious and leads me to become frustrated that it takes so long because I am hungry.
   
4. Having to watch what I eat means I have to remember that I am watching what I eat which in turn means I have to think about food more and in the end makes me want to eat!

I am sure I can think of more observations but I've probably demonstrated that I am not a happy Weight Watcher.

I'm past caring about people who can eat and never gain weight, or those who are too successful in their weight loss to be human. I'm also past wondering why I was born to be fat and how life isn't fair because there are worse things than being prone to obesity and all those are things that brought me down when I was younger. Right now, this minute, I am only interested in eating better for health.

At 52 I'm not aiming for the swimsuit show, the fashion show or any other kind of show; I'm aiming to keep my arteries open, my heart pumping and my knees from hurting. At my age, when I lose weight, I gain wrinkles. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT KEEPING THE WEIGHT DOWN WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG, PEOPLE!! I fear that my youthful looks will disappear and I'll start looking like a hag.

Hmm... Well the best I can hope for is good health and who cares what the hell I look like as long as I'm clean, tidy and well-dressed. I'm also practicing my smile. Seriously. When life was getting me down a few years ago I decided there was no use going around looking as miserable as I felt because no-one would want to talk to me, so I put on a permanent little smile, hoping that I was showing a pleasant face. I have no idea whether it worked or if I just scared people off looking half-demented, but in the end, the effort of keeping that little smile on my face paid off, because life didn't seem nearly so bad, and stretching that smile when greeting a friend was no effort at all. So recently I've been doing it again.

The early months of this year (excluding the highlight of my trip to England) were very difficult for me emotionally. I can't go into details here, but I was a complete emotional wreck with my self-esteem at an all-time low. Over the summer I've gradually been coming to and getting back to feeling like my old self again. The smiling exercise is helping, and hopefully, getting back on track with more controlled eating will help me too.