Who needs happy pills?

I have always been reluctant to reach for the medicine cupboard when something is wrong and it's usually the last thing I think of if I have a headache or a cold. Usually the pain and discomfort of minor illness disappears of its own accord in a few days, so I don't think of medication unless it becomes unbearable. However, I'm beginning to understand why people might become addicted to anti-depressants - I've never taken any but there are times when I do wonder if taking a pill would lift me out of whatever it is that makes me feel unhappy. It wouldn't deal with the cause though, so I'm not sure that the short-term relief that comes from a drug would ultimately help.

Do I really need help of that kind? Would therapy help? Let's face it, the power to be happy does lie within, whether we like it or not. I can't keep blaming people around me for upsetting my apple cart, no matter what they say or do (or not), so I must be responsible for the way I respond to them.

I fear I am becoming the grumpy old woman I never wanted to be. I have been changing over the past 17 years and I'm now a very different person. I think it's a result of increasing age and responsibility combined with fewer causes to smile and laugh the way I'd like. I've lost a good bit of my wit and ability to make people laugh and I've become more serious and less confident in myself.

I've started getting worked up over matters over which I have no control, and then hiding away in my thoughts and preoccupations to the exclusion of others, just because the reality is too hard to take. I had a dear friend many years ago who was popular, fun to be with and appeared to be happy, but inside was depressed and frightened and full of self-doubt. Perhaps that applies to more people than we realise. What we see of people is often just an illusion. We see what people want us to see. I just find it hard to hide my true feelings.

If there's one thing that is guaranteed to raise a smile for me, it's my ten-year-old son. Thankfully he's still at the stage where he comes to me several times a day for a hug and to chat about what he's been up to and he always makes me laugh with his jokes and antics. That's got to be better than pills and therapy!

Back to school

It's day three of 'back to school' and the kids are still getting up on time and making the bus without effort. Thank goodness for light mornings. So far not too many complaints about teachers, homework or classmates, so they might just be willing to return after Labor Day.

The house, sadly, has been lacking its summer routine of Wednesday cleaning for the past fortnight. Last Wednesday we went to Water Country as our last hurrah of the summer and I never quite got finished after that. This week, despite the children's great start to the school year, I have been suffering from insomnia. I had a semi-sleepless night on Saturday, a night completely without sleep on Monday and another difficult night on Tuesday. Fortunately, last night I slept like the proverbial log and feel ready to tackle the house today. I have to go to WW at 10 (although I could go at 12:30 instead) but with the kids gone so early in the day (by 7:30am) I can start earlier and get much of it done before noon.

Last night I spent an hour and a half covering six school text books (why I buy those 'Book Sox' I don't know, because the school won't allow them). They want the books covered in brown paper grocery bags. Since I use my own bags at the store, I never get their bags and I don't feel I can just grab a handful to take with me, so I bought a huge roll of brown 'Kraft paper' and used that for the books. It worked pretty well, too, I must say, and looked a lot neater.

The cat is keeping us entertained with his antics. Lucy spends much of the time either following the cat, trying to reach his food or trying to escape from him. I had to give Jasper a 'time out' yesterday because Lucy was starting to look very tired of having the cat jump on her. She was pleased to see him when he was released though and by the middle of the evening they were both curled up asleep in Lucy's bed. Having a cat has made this a much livelier place during the day while the kids are at school, which is nice.

Online presence

I've had a glass of Merlot and it's gone straight to my head. I'm glad it has that effect on me because it means that I don't usually drink too much.

I've been thinking a bit about my 'presence' on the internet. At times I might have been a little indiscreet in my remarks - especially in the early days if my online activities, eight or nine years ago, but I don't think I've ever posted anything that would destroy my reputation and good standing in the real world, or that of my family. I am so glad I'm not a teenager or college student because in my less guarded moments 35 years ago, I might easily have been seen in some awkward circumstances.

I'm sure there are many now who regret their online presence, when an unfortunate video, photo or posted comment has cost them their job, and perhaps I'm naive in thinking that I'm safe from that with my written ramblings. Who knows who's out there and who knows what they might do? I can't imagine that a teenager with 500-odd 'friends' on Facebook can truly know and trust all of them. Can the teenager even really trust her/himself?

I started by saying I'd drunk a glass of wine and feeling it. However, I'm not worried that someone's posting inappropriate photos of me. Might that have been so, 30 years ago? I'd like to think not. Thankfully I'll never know and I hope that my children will be more careful than I ever had to be.

Picture time!

Here are some long-awaited photos of the new carpet which was fitted and laid at the end of June. It goes in the hallway, stairs, and living room.

Now here are the cat and dog pictures!

A new member of the family

Today we adopted a brand new furry four-legged friend. We now have a black and white eight-week-old kitten named Jasper. More to follow when I have a photo.

The Health Care Debate

First I admit I didn't take the time to go to the local meetings the other week to show my support for the Health Care Bill but I wish I had. I'm stunned at the fuss and hot air that's being created at the meetings all over the country. I'm impressed that Obama and his supporters are meeting the attackers head on and responding with reason and truth.

The stories that are being bandied about remind me of First World War propaganda put out in England about the evil Hun killing babies and raping women. It's ridiculous to suggest for a second that a national health care program will mean euthanasia for the sick and elderly! I can't believe I even have to write it and I bet Obama can't believe he has to mention it either. I so admire that man for keeping his cool and responding respectfully and intelligently to the wild accusations and utter utter nonsense that some people are spouting. (At the very least I'd be rolling my eyes!)

So let me tell the world that I am for it. But first it must be said that no health care plan is perfect. (In fact the only perfect state to be in is to be extremely wealthy, not need insurance and to be able to go to any doctor or hospital in the world for all and any treatment you may need, and not have to worry about the cost.) Realistically, most of us reaidng blogs on the internet have modest incomes, modest lifestyles and we pay our insurance in the hope that when we really need it, the insurance companies will thank us for our loyalty and regular payments by covering the cost of treatments we need to make us well. But as we have heard all too often, this is simply not what happens. The reality is that the cap which insurance companies apply for our medical treatment might be adequate for the broken arms, tonsillectomies, short-term hospital stays and routine prescriptions required for a family in moderate health, but falls far far short when someone has cancer for the second or third time, or has the misfortune to find themselves paraplegic or worse. At the very least, this proposed plan aims to remove the fear which all Americans must have, of being abandoned by their insurance company in their hour of greatest need.

It is my belief that there should be a law made, equivalent to an added amendment to the Bill of Rights: All citizens have an indisputable and equal right to high quality, effective health care. Or however you want to word it. While no-one can dispute that America has the best medical facilities and treatments available anywhere in the world, not everyone can make use of them, because their insurance cannot or will not cover the expense, or because they have minimal or no insurance at all and simply cannot afford to pay for treatment. Why is this even being disputed? Who thinks this is fair?

I'm sorry to say that many people apparently don't care about the poor and needy, and that's partly because they don't imagine themselves in that position. Why should sick people have to depend on charity? Why shouldn't the richest country on Earth share the wealth with its poor? All too often the poor and needy didn't start off that way either - sometimes they're people just like you and me who suddenly find themselves having to spend more and more money on medical expenses to the point where they lose their homes. Don't we care about them either?

Look at this... Take each item one point at a time and think carefully about how this might affect you and your family in both good times and bad. Then if you still think it's a bad thing, tell me why.

THE SECURITY YOU GET from health insurance reform:

• No Discrimination for Pre-Existing Conditions
• Insurance companies will be prohibited from refusing you coverage because of your medical history.
• No Exorbitant Out-of-Pocket Expenses, Deductibles or Co-Pays
• Insurance companies will have to abide by yearly caps on how much they can charge for out-of-pocket expenses.
• No Cost-Sharing for Preventive Care
• Insurance companies must fully cover, without charge, regular checkups and tests that help you prevent illness, such as mammograms or eye and foot exams for diabetics.
• No Dropping of Coverage for Seriously Ill
• Insurance companies will be prohibited from dropping or watering down insurance coverage for those who become seriously ill.
• No Gender Discrimination
• Insurance companies will be prohibited from charging you more because of your gender.
• No Annual or Lifetime Caps on Coverage
• Insurance companies will be prevented from placing annual or lifetime caps on the coverage you receive.
• Extended Coverage for Young Adults
• Children would continue to be eligible for family coverage through the age of 26.
• Guaranteed Insurance Renewal
• Insurance companies will be required to renew any policy as long as the policyholder pays their premium in full. Insurance companies won't be allowed to refuse renewal because someone became sick.

]http://www.whitehouse.gov/health-insurance-consumer-protections/

Diets and change

Last night I did a little tweaking here and changed the look of my blog. I'm not really inspired by the available themes but I don't feel like paying and I can't be bothered to figure out hos to do my own.

So yesterday I decided that I needed to take myself in hand once again and put myself back on the straight and narrow path leading to freedom from fat. Oh yes. Over many years of being overweight, losing it, gaining it back and worse, I've made some observations about myself.

1. That without fail, if I lose weight and regain it, I will always end up heavier than when I started.
2. Carbohydrates are easy to grab, easy to eat, are not as filling as they ought to be and leave me wanting more. Carbohydrates are not my friends.
3. Weighing and measuring food is tedious and leads me to become frustrated that it takes so long because I am hungry.
   
4. Having to watch what I eat means I have to remember that I am watching what I eat which in turn means I have to think about food more and in the end makes me want to eat!

I am sure I can think of more observations but I've probably demonstrated that I am not a happy Weight Watcher.

I'm past caring about people who can eat and never gain weight, or those who are too successful in their weight loss to be human. I'm also past wondering why I was born to be fat and how life isn't fair because there are worse things than being prone to obesity and all those are things that brought me down when I was younger. Right now, this minute, I am only interested in eating better for health.

At 52 I'm not aiming for the swimsuit show, the fashion show or any other kind of show; I'm aiming to keep my arteries open, my heart pumping and my knees from hurting. At my age, when I lose weight, I gain wrinkles. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT KEEPING THE WEIGHT DOWN WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG, PEOPLE!! I fear that my youthful looks will disappear and I'll start looking like a hag.

Hmm... Well the best I can hope for is good health and who cares what the hell I look like as long as I'm clean, tidy and well-dressed. I'm also practicing my smile. Seriously. When life was getting me down a few years ago I decided there was no use going around looking as miserable as I felt because no-one would want to talk to me, so I put on a permanent little smile, hoping that I was showing a pleasant face. I have no idea whether it worked or if I just scared people off looking half-demented, but in the end, the effort of keeping that little smile on my face paid off, because life didn't seem nearly so bad, and stretching that smile when greeting a friend was no effort at all. So recently I've been doing it again.

The early months of this year (excluding the highlight of my trip to England) were very difficult for me emotionally. I can't go into details here, but I was a complete emotional wreck with my self-esteem at an all-time low. Over the summer I've gradually been coming to and getting back to feeling like my old self again. The smiling exercise is helping, and hopefully, getting back on track with more controlled eating will help me too.