An inkling of insight

There are times when I have wondered what it must be like to get old, but until recently, I've never had any real insight into what it must really be like. Last night I had a dream that my sister took my place at a reunion of sorts of some of my old friends. I was in a 'fly-on-the-wall' position so I looked enviously on, wishing I had been there. At some point I realised that as well as my friends, there were some of our relatives too and that was when I realised that this mythical reunion must have occurred several years ago because two of the relatives had been dead some time.

I woke up with a sense of unease, not at missing seeing my friends (in fact by then I couldn't even remember which friends they were) but at the realisation that so many of the adults I knew as a child are no longer around. It was at that moment that I realised that a stage of life I have yet to reach is that of being one of the oldest generation. I try to imagine how my grandma must have felt. From when she was born, the youngest of six, she was the baby of the family - and was happy to be so. She was close to her mother and really didn't want to leave home. In fact she and my grandad started married life living with her parents, and later moved to a house down the street. For the first forty years of her life it was thus. The war changed everything of course. They had to leave Walthamstow because of the bombing - her parents went one way and she went another with her children. More changes occurred in the next twenty years - she lost both her parents, her brother and her oldest sister, but she still had most of her contemporaries and was still the youngest in her generation. I suppose at that time, she too realised that all her parents' contemporaries were gone, but she still had her older sisters, husband, children and grandchildren.

Having always been the baby of the family and been well cared for, I wonder how she felt at being one of the oldest generation. Perhaps she didn't feel that she was that old. During the early 1980s her world was turned over when she lost her remaining sisters, her husband and elder daughter and it was at that point that suddenly she found herself with no-one to look up to, no-one who shared her memories and no-one of her own age. Surely that must be the hardest stage of life altogether.

Coughs and sneezes spread diseases

Never was a truer word said this year. I can't believe the amount of sickness that's around at the moment. My family doesn't usually succumb to everything that's doing the rounds, so this comes as a shock to all of us. Right now I have three children who have collectively suffered varying degrees of coughs, sneezes, fevers, aches and pains over the past ten days. Added to which, I have caught it all from them and have been coughing and aching and feeling unwell for the past four days. Altogether, they have spent 8 days at home, which would have been 10 but for there being two days that school was closed. It's not over yet though - DS will be home again tomorrow since he was sent home from school with a fever today. DD2 is making a good recovery and is already back in full school mode, albeit with a persistent cough. DD1 I'm still not sure about. It's wearing, but none of us seriously ill, and for that I am grateful.

Today I found out that it's possible to have swine flu without having a fever and without even knowing you have it - it affects people in different ways so for all I know, we've all got it. Or not. Who knows? The school nurse's office was full of sick children when I went to pick up DS and the doctors' offices are busy with suspected swine flu patients so I'm not running off for a diagnosis unless the situation becomes dire. I called about seasonal flu and swine flu vaccinations today and there are none to be had. Healthy kids aren't a priority and there's a shortage of vaccines. It doesn't bother me. If they have H1N1 and it isn't affecting them badly it'll help with their immunities. Let's hope.

Busy times

First things first. This is a favourite photograph of my mum and my grandma. It was taken in (I think) about 1979 when Mum was about the age I am now (!!) and Grandma was about 78. Mum died about seven years later, at 58. Today is and always will be Grandma's birthday. She was born on 4th November 1900 and died aged 90 on 15th April, 1991. It still doesn't seem that long ago. She was a huge and very important part of my life and she is still missed. Best grandma ever.

Yesterday I was suffering from a distinct lack of sleep, due to being awoken at 1am and being told that DD2 had a temp of 101F. She was fine - she slept and the fever had gone by morning, but I stayed awake the rest of the night having swine-flu nightmares. Yesterday was also parent-teacher conference today. In the event I did actually get to talk to DS's teachers, but it was a 'student-led' conference and we were there for well over an hour. At least I didn't have to wait outside the room for twenty minutes while the previous parent 'overran'.

Last Friday was DH's birthday, and DD2 baked him a cake from scratch, then made the icing (with sugar, butter, cream cheese, chocolate chips and heavy cream, no less) and then decorated it.



The only problem was that she didn't really like the cream cheese icing and I ate far more of that delicious cake than I should have!

Saturday of course, was Halloween, and I spent all day helping DD2 make her costume - also from scratch. She had a good idea but no idea how to execute it. We borrowed two hula hoops because at this time of year we couldn't find any to buy (they are probably thought of as summer toys). We had some leftover vinyl fabric so I used it to make her a bag for her candy. Contrary to what some may believe, Halloween costumes in America are not required to be spooky, creepy, scary or gruesome. It's all just what we British call 'fancy dress' - anything goes. So here are the three Halloween costumes for 2009.

This is an American high-school student's idea of dressing like a schoolgirl. When I pointed out that she is a school girl, she said 'not in a uniform'. So there you are.



This is the one we spent all day making, and which has now been taken apart because the hula hoops had to be returned.



Finally, DS wanted to be Zorro - which was great, except that most people didnt seem to know who Zorro was! We purchased the hat and sword, we already had the mask and cloak (to which I added reflective tape for running about in the dark) and I bought new black trousers and a black shirt, thereby adding to his winter wardrobe at the same time.



The weather was quite warm on Halloween night although the rain came during the evening, causing it to come to an end earlier than it might have, given that it was a Saturday. Unfortunately, when DS got up the next day, complaining that his eye hurt, we found that a tick had embedded itself in his lower eyelid, among the eyelashes. It was a nasty and painful experience getting that removed. It was a small tick and so now we have to hope the poor kid doesn't get Lyme disease.

In addition to all of the above, I've been working on my window hanging. I really have been doing it all the wrong way roound, but since I've been making it up as I go along, and buying fabric as needed, it's somewhat without plan or design. I'll post a picture when it's finished. While I've been sewing and cutting, I've been watching 'Kingdom' (the first series) and 'Doc Martin' (the first series) on Hulu. Then I found out that only the first series of each is on Hulu and so with only one episode of each left to watch, I'm bereft. I'll have to get some more dvd's I suppose.

The other bit of news is that I've downloaded Skype to my computer and had my first face-to-face Skype conversation with a friend in England on Sunday. That was fun.

A Wet October Wednesday

My life has changed. It's been gradual, but it's been changing over the past year from the way it was for the five or so years before that. I'm coming to the realisation that I've entered another phase of my life. The change hasn't been drastic or dramatic and no-one outside my own head (or you who read my blog) will even have noticed, but it has happened nonetheless. My life has changed because I find I am spending more time alone than I was a year or so ago - not through my own fault, but through changed circumstances. My self-confidence has taken a blow so I find it harder to talk to people and that in turn leaves me at a loss as to where to go next.

The greatest enemy to a bright future is to mourn the past and so while I might learn from my mistakes, I cannot allow myself to say "life was better when...", so I won't. My life is good right now and I'm not going to worry about whether or not it will be good next week or next year; I'm just going to make the most of now. Right now I have a comfortable home, time and resources to pursue my interests, I have family, friends and pets to love and I have reasonably good health. How dare I wish for more than that?

Right now I am in need of a friend to go out with for a day.

October Snow

It's looking rather nice out there this morning. The snow is falling gently, the air is cool and damp and all this will be gone by lunchtime. If you've seen my autumn photos before, you might notice the absence of the usual red and orange and then you might notice that the double-trunked tree in the foreground is bereft of leaves and this is because, sadly, the tree didn't bloom this year. I had mixed feelings about it because all summer long I enjoyed being able to see across the yard without peering through foliage, but now that it's Fall, I find myself missing the blaze of glorious color that this tree used to give us. I think we will leave it in place a year or two to see if it revives, but I fear it's given its last.

Life in the house is less stressful at present, so we are sailing along on a pretty even keel. This week I decided to learn how to 'mail merge' my Christmas card envelopes but I had to start by typing all my addresses into 'Entourage'. Having been a Mac user for several years and a Microsoft user only through necessity, I had never used Entourage and was surprised how similar it looks to the MobileMe homepage so it was easy. I haven't actually merged the mail yet, but I will do, soon. Last year I sent out very few cards at Christmas, and tried to send out letters afterwards. Even so I didn't get out as many letters as I wanted to and it was sometime in August when I finally removed the basket of still-unanswered letters from my desk. I am determined to have all my Christmas correspondence ready to be mailed by Thanksgiving this year and to avoid all the usual stress of doing everything at the same time as everybody else. There must be a way to get it all done AND to enjoy the festivities. Mind you, it makes me shudder to have to spend $70 on postage to send all the cards to the UK.

Now that we've seen the first snow, I have to decide on whether I should splurge on a new winter coat. I haven't had a proper winter coat in years because I was gaining weight and didn't want to waste money on a good coat that (hopefully) would soon be too big for me. I've lost 34lbs since this time last year, but that really isn't good enough for a new coat. I have, however, got a new hairstyle. I asked John at Scizzors to "modernize me"and so he did. It's shortish at the back, a bit longer at the front and to boot I've added a bright pink hair extension at the front in support of the National Breast Cancer Foundation. I've had it admired and I've seen a few people do a double take. I think it's a great idea because every cent of the $10 I paid for it will go to the cause and, to be honest, I'm tired of all the Susan G Komen pinkery everywhere. There can't be many right-minded people that think that having a pink mixer is doing much to support breast-cancer research, can there? For the $80 you might spend on this mixer, $7 goes to the cause. I think my $10 hair extension is better value.

Now and then

This week I've had a conversation with DS's teachers and next week I'm seeing DD2's teachers. Things are looking up on the school front and I hope we won't be having any more major upsets. I am left puzzled, though by the concept of 'student-led' conferences which this year are taking the place of the traditional parent-teacher conference at the middle school. By the time conference day rolls around I hope we will already have resolved our problems, but supposing I had decided to wait until the day to air my concerns and then discovered there was no opportunity to speak with the teachers in confidence? I'm not sure what this is all about except I'm sure it makes for an easier conference for the teachers.

This week and next are both four-day weeks for the kids, which means two extra sleep-ins for me. I made good headway with the housework yesterday, but this morning I have to go to the dentist to get my new crown fitted. I fear my teeth are not in good shape. I counted them the other day and I only have 27 teeth and now four of them are crowned. I wish I could prevent any more of them from going the same way. Root canals and crowns are very expensive.

I'm making some jewellery as Christmas gifts this year. I've bought some semi-precious stone beads and started making something the other day, but I've realised that a necklace made just with those beads can be quite heavy on the neck, so I'm going to buy some smaller, lightweight beads to put with them and then try again. Hopefully if I finish my chores today, I'll have time to work on that tomorrow.

I let my Ancestry subscription expire this week in order to save some money and to prevent myself from getting too deeply involved in the family history. I do find that when I'm working on it, I become more stressed with trying to keep it organised and with all the information buzzing around in my head. I fret over who was doing what, when and with whom 150 years ago and all the problems that need solving in order to piece together the puzzle occupy my thoughts night and day. I think that what I really need to do is do it for a month at a time during the quieter times of the year, and then put it away for a while to regroup and remind myself that I live in the 21st century, not the 19th! I don't think I'll be working on it again until the new year now.

I'm excited that on Saturday we are going to a local theatre to see Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull. Apparently Ian Anderson is the only original member of JT - but then again, who even knew any of the rest of them? Jethro Tull's appeal for me has always been Ian Anderson's voice and the haunting highlights of his flute, so what does it matter? I hope they play some of the old songs but it will be nice to hear new material too. I expect the audience will be filled with middle-aged and aging hippies - I wonder what they'll all be wearing? If I'd gone to a JT concert in my youth I'd have worn a maxi dress, platform shoes, a 12-foot long scarf and glitter in my hair. Perhaps not this time though... I never thought we'd all get old and be going to see old performers. In fact, often the old performers' voices don't hold up so well, but I'm hoping. Ian Anderson: my generation's Bing Crosby*. Actually, I should have said Russ Conway, my mum's favourite popular pianist, but I doubt you've heard of him and I don't have a Russ Conway joke. :)


*(Scottish joke: Q - What's the difference between Walt Disney and Bing Crosby? A - Bing sings but Walt dis nae.)

Education

I've been trying not to say anything about this but it's come to a head in this household. What are the schools doing to our children? Specifically, my children?

Sadly none of them are in Elementary school any more and I can't home-school them. The school day is long, and starts early. The high school begins its classes at 7.30am - that's the time I used to crawl out of bed on a school day back in the 1970's. DD1 leaves home an hour before that to catch the school bus and arrives at school thirty minutes before classes start. (I walked for 20-25 minutes and arrived at school at 8.45.) DD2 and DS are in middle school and they start half an hour after the high school, but leave an hour after DD1 because the schools are nearer and the bus comes later. They arrive home half an hour after DD1 in the afternoon so all three are home again by 3pm. I walked home and arrived just after 4pm if I went straight home, but often I was sidetracked with friends. The school day is so different. Even at secondary school we had a 15-minute break mid-morning and over an hour for lunch (so lots of free time to eat and hang out with friends). My children get about 10 minutes to eat lunch and the middle school's so-called recess lasts about five or ten minutes immediately following that. So times have changed and I'm in another country and it is what it is and I can't change it.

The school times are a contributing factor to the problems on the domestic front because none of us like to get up early in the morning, but another burden upon us all is homework. After a day of being cooped up in school, and sitting on a bus, instead of being free as a bird to play and relax, they have to do their homework. Experience has taught me and them that if they don't get started on it within an hour of arriving home, it won't get done before dinner and if isn't, it can take up the whole evening with the children just wanting to relax and go to bed.

Then there is the quality and quantity of the work, the texts and in some cases, the teaching. I think that's the most frustrating aspect. No education system is perfect. Teachers are bound by district and state requirements and guidelines (mandates), and making sure their students get good results in state tests. They can't teach what they want, when they want or how they want because presumed professionalism went out the window twenty years ago (perhaps longer in the US) and apparently teachers nowadays can't be trusted to know what's best or appropriate for the students in front of them. I know that. But is any of that right? Is one-size-fits-all really better for our children, just to ensure that all children get the exact same education? I really don't think so.

The children in our schools are deprived of certain valuable learning experiences – what we used to call "lessons". (See? the jargon is so much a part of everyday speech that I didn't even notice it.) Yes, the world is continually changing, but actually, the education a child needs for life hasn't changed all that much. What's important, especially for the under-13's, is an opportunity to breathe, to grow, to learn independence and the skills that will carry them safely from A to B. By they time they are 13 they should be ready for some serious academic learning to keep them out of trouble. OK, so that's generalizing. But isn't that what the schools are doing?