I've just been to see "The Reader" which was a trly excellent film. There was as much not in the film as was in it, which made it both entertaining and thought-provoking. I feared seeing it, having recently seen "Defiance" and not wanting to come home depressed or disturbed, but this film was neither of those things. It moved along gently and quietly - it could have evoked a great deal more emotion than it did - but I don't know that we always want to experience intense emotion at every film. Sometimes it's enough to remain on the sidelines as an observer, rather than become one with the characters.
I think the direction and the acting were spot on and Kate Winslet absolutely deserved her Oscar. I was also impressed by the actor David Kross who played the part of the young Michael Berg and I am surprised not to have heard even his name mentioned anywhere - ot that I read much about films - I just get a glimpse of this and that on tv. Did Kate Winslet mention him in her Oscar speech I wonder?
I highly recommend this film.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
When did I go out of fashion?
Somewhere between getting married at thirty-five and my eventual emergence out of nappy-changing and pre-school runs I lost my sense of style. When I started rediscovering myself after the children were all at school and I was looking to move out of the sweats and jeans, I found myself drawn back to the fashions that I had been wearing in the early 90s - except that by that time the rest of the world was in the mid- 2000's. Even then I didn't recognise that there was a problem because I naturally steered clear of the obvious teenager clothes, but being by that time a 'plus-size' lady I was definitely looking at more matronly styles, although I didn't realise it.
I've been in America for sixteen years now and I can tell you that there is a big difference between American and British fashions. At first, when I thought I was doing all right with my clothing choices I favoured Alfred Dunner. The styles fit me, the colours suited me. But why could I only find a few places to sell them? Then a couple of years ago it hit me - those fashions are made for the more 'mature' woman and of course, I wasn't ready to be relegated to those ranks. But wait - is the 'mature' woman old enough to be my mother or young enough to be my friend? Or either? Or both?
My dilemma continues. I am not, nor ever have been a fashionista - fashionable styles have usually been too 'skinny' for me, but without having to try too hard on the occasions when I've wanted to dress up I've usually been able to find something to wear that hasn't made me look frumpy. If I'm honest, the only places I look for clothes are Target and Walmart because both stores are within a couple of miles of home, and because my budget and fluctuating weight will not allow me to buy anything more expensive or of better quality. That, coupled with the 'plus size' limitations means that the clothes I wear have become very boring. What's a fifty-something to do in this situation? I have two sets of contemporaries to look to for fashion guidance: those who have children the same ages as mine, and my friends who range between ten years younger and ten years older than me. But do I like their clothes? Would their styles suit me? Do they even wear fashionable clothes? What's in fashion anyway?
Yesterday I did a big clean-out of my closet and removed all clothes which were:
* too big (yea!)
* too old
* too shabby
* too ugly
It didn't leave me with too many clothes, actually, but it did prove a point. I had one sweater that I've worn faithfully for seventeen years which I didn't notice had become faded and a little frayed. It must have been of superior quality to what I've been buying in recent years though. However, now I need to shop again and I am uninspired.
I've spent the past few years wearing nothing but trousers, and the past two or three years wearing mostly black. A typical outfit for me consists of black trousers, a Black T shirt or turtle-neck sweater with something of colour over the top, or a coloured T shirt or sweater with something black over the top. Never more than one colour and always two items in black, or occasionally another neutral. All this with sensible shoes, of course. I admit I'm now getting tired of this look and I am looking for a change, which is where I came in at the top of this page. I've lost my sense of fashion.
I can't and won't compete with my teenage daughter (heck I don't even understand the names of the garments she wears and I certainly wouldn't be seen attempting to wear them), I can't afford to buy anything but sale items from J. Jill, Coldwater Creek, Talbot or Chico (which doesn't even do plus sizes, no no idea why I even mention it). Even when I look there, I can't seem to find much to excite me to make me wish to add it to my wardrobe.
I am getting older, no doubt, but I'm not dead or retired yet. I have a young family and I want to be active and up to date for as long as I can. Reducing my size from Plus to Normal will certainly help - perhaps that alone will open up some fashion possibilities for me, but until then, it's flappy trousers and tops until I can find something new and refreshing to invest in.
I've been in America for sixteen years now and I can tell you that there is a big difference between American and British fashions. At first, when I thought I was doing all right with my clothing choices I favoured Alfred Dunner. The styles fit me, the colours suited me. But why could I only find a few places to sell them? Then a couple of years ago it hit me - those fashions are made for the more 'mature' woman and of course, I wasn't ready to be relegated to those ranks. But wait - is the 'mature' woman old enough to be my mother or young enough to be my friend? Or either? Or both?
My dilemma continues. I am not, nor ever have been a fashionista - fashionable styles have usually been too 'skinny' for me, but without having to try too hard on the occasions when I've wanted to dress up I've usually been able to find something to wear that hasn't made me look frumpy. If I'm honest, the only places I look for clothes are Target and Walmart because both stores are within a couple of miles of home, and because my budget and fluctuating weight will not allow me to buy anything more expensive or of better quality. That, coupled with the 'plus size' limitations means that the clothes I wear have become very boring. What's a fifty-something to do in this situation? I have two sets of contemporaries to look to for fashion guidance: those who have children the same ages as mine, and my friends who range between ten years younger and ten years older than me. But do I like their clothes? Would their styles suit me? Do they even wear fashionable clothes? What's in fashion anyway?
Yesterday I did a big clean-out of my closet and removed all clothes which were:
* too big (yea!)
* too old
* too shabby
* too ugly
It didn't leave me with too many clothes, actually, but it did prove a point. I had one sweater that I've worn faithfully for seventeen years which I didn't notice had become faded and a little frayed. It must have been of superior quality to what I've been buying in recent years though. However, now I need to shop again and I am uninspired.
I've spent the past few years wearing nothing but trousers, and the past two or three years wearing mostly black. A typical outfit for me consists of black trousers, a Black T shirt or turtle-neck sweater with something of colour over the top, or a coloured T shirt or sweater with something black over the top. Never more than one colour and always two items in black, or occasionally another neutral. All this with sensible shoes, of course. I admit I'm now getting tired of this look and I am looking for a change, which is where I came in at the top of this page. I've lost my sense of fashion.
I can't and won't compete with my teenage daughter (heck I don't even understand the names of the garments she wears and I certainly wouldn't be seen attempting to wear them), I can't afford to buy anything but sale items from J. Jill, Coldwater Creek, Talbot or Chico (which doesn't even do plus sizes, no no idea why I even mention it). Even when I look there, I can't seem to find much to excite me to make me wish to add it to my wardrobe.
I am getting older, no doubt, but I'm not dead or retired yet. I have a young family and I want to be active and up to date for as long as I can. Reducing my size from Plus to Normal will certainly help - perhaps that alone will open up some fashion possibilities for me, but until then, it's flappy trousers and tops until I can find something new and refreshing to invest in.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Living it
The best way to write an interesting blog is to live outside cyberspace for a while and write about your experiences. This is called "Living in the Real World". I know many people who do this all the time; remarkably, some do it all the time and for those people, cyberspace is still unexplored territory. Other people are relatively inexperienced in the Real World lifestyle, so they and those who have yet to try it at all, may take today's blog entry as a primer as to What to Do and How to Cope.
This morning, my first excursion into the Real World required me to put on a coat over my pyjamas and take out all the rubbish and recycling. I soon realised that I was a little under-dressed because my fingers began to feel like icicles, and about as flexible. So the first lesson of the day was: Before venturing out into the Real World, always remember to wear appropriate clothing because those little flakes of snow can feel pretty cold. It took another hour online to recover and so I decided to take things a little easier for the next task. This required the use of Special Equipment, but could safely be accomplished in pyjamas. I left the comfort of my kitchen to Clean the Bathroom. Usually I spend only a few minutes at a time in that room, away from the Internet, but this visit required me to spend the better part of half an hour in there. Admittedly this can bring on panic in the inexperienced adventurer but I have done this many times before, so apart from needing a little routine recovery time afterwards, I completed the task unscathed.
In the early afternoon I was required to "chat" with three-dimensional humanoids half my size and one-fifth my age. They are a remarkable invention, requiring no batteries or chargers. They walk and talk, interact with each other and occasionally with other, bigger models. Often their communications make little sense, but from time to time a word or two can be distinguished by which they express their need for recharging, or "feeding". The creatures are called Boys and this afternoon they wished to be entertained by being conveyed to a Movie Theatre and thence placed in seats for two hours whilst watching the activities of other humanoids whose likenesses have been captured on film. This does not require interaction so if you decide to participate in such an activity yourself you might be well-advised to take some kind of communication device with you to avoid "Idleness of the Fingers". Portable keyboards can be purchased for those who must blog everything they do as they do it. The movie today was "Paul Blart Mall Cop" which tells the unlikely tale of the existence of human life forms visiting a giant "Real Life" Amazon store with little sub-stores within it. Rather than pictures of items to be purchased and placed in virtual shopping carts, people may actually handle the merchandise before buying and with no shipping costs incurred! Purchased items are then placed in bags to be taken home by the customer in her own vehicle. This proves that all goods do not have to arrive in a UPS truck. Anyway, the movie was OK - lived up to the critics' reviews but fell below the expectations I had, based on reports from people I know.
My return to virtual reality didn't occur until after dinner at Friendly's, but I was able to remain calm throughout the meal by playing video games on my iPod. Now at last I'm back in my cyberhome, having had some small adventures in the Real World, and hopefully will be prepared to meet the challenges of Laundry and Grocery Shopping tomorrow.
Logging off ;-)
This morning, my first excursion into the Real World required me to put on a coat over my pyjamas and take out all the rubbish and recycling. I soon realised that I was a little under-dressed because my fingers began to feel like icicles, and about as flexible. So the first lesson of the day was: Before venturing out into the Real World, always remember to wear appropriate clothing because those little flakes of snow can feel pretty cold. It took another hour online to recover and so I decided to take things a little easier for the next task. This required the use of Special Equipment, but could safely be accomplished in pyjamas. I left the comfort of my kitchen to Clean the Bathroom. Usually I spend only a few minutes at a time in that room, away from the Internet, but this visit required me to spend the better part of half an hour in there. Admittedly this can bring on panic in the inexperienced adventurer but I have done this many times before, so apart from needing a little routine recovery time afterwards, I completed the task unscathed.
In the early afternoon I was required to "chat" with three-dimensional humanoids half my size and one-fifth my age. They are a remarkable invention, requiring no batteries or chargers. They walk and talk, interact with each other and occasionally with other, bigger models. Often their communications make little sense, but from time to time a word or two can be distinguished by which they express their need for recharging, or "feeding". The creatures are called Boys and this afternoon they wished to be entertained by being conveyed to a Movie Theatre and thence placed in seats for two hours whilst watching the activities of other humanoids whose likenesses have been captured on film. This does not require interaction so if you decide to participate in such an activity yourself you might be well-advised to take some kind of communication device with you to avoid "Idleness of the Fingers". Portable keyboards can be purchased for those who must blog everything they do as they do it. The movie today was "Paul Blart Mall Cop" which tells the unlikely tale of the existence of human life forms visiting a giant "Real Life" Amazon store with little sub-stores within it. Rather than pictures of items to be purchased and placed in virtual shopping carts, people may actually handle the merchandise before buying and with no shipping costs incurred! Purchased items are then placed in bags to be taken home by the customer in her own vehicle. This proves that all goods do not have to arrive in a UPS truck. Anyway, the movie was OK - lived up to the critics' reviews but fell below the expectations I had, based on reports from people I know.
My return to virtual reality didn't occur until after dinner at Friendly's, but I was able to remain calm throughout the meal by playing video games on my iPod. Now at last I'm back in my cyberhome, having had some small adventures in the Real World, and hopefully will be prepared to meet the challenges of Laundry and Grocery Shopping tomorrow.
Logging off ;-)
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
In a bit of a tiz
I began this morning in a horizontal position, reading email on my iPod. I thought of the nice long vacation day and the rest of the week stretching out before me as a huge open expanse of Nothing-Planned but reality hit me and within the hour I remembered that I have Responsibilities. Why was I in such a hurry to grow up?
The first thing to hit me was the church newsletter. I'm not sure why I do this to myself, but I have painted myself into a corner for the love of technology and the desire not to go to the office and freeze my fingers off. For the duration of my tenure as the church secretary, the monthly newsletter has been prepared in the form of a Word document and due to its having a mind of its own it has become a difficult and time-consuming chore to keep the document formatted the way it needs to be, while changing the content. I've tried many times to start a new document in the hope of obliterating the gremlins but I only have to copy and paste a single element from the old document to cause all the gremlins to abandon ship and settle into a new home.
Since we work exclusively on Macs, the question arose as to whether it would be a worthwhile investment to purchase iWork 09, for $79. Before asking the church to make this investment, we played around with a thirty-day trial version of '08' to produce last month's newsletter, which, I must say, came out rather well. I used a set template and filled in and replaced the elements with our own information. This month, however, the thirty-day trial period on '08' had expired so another one - this time '09' - had to be opened on a different computer. To cut a long story short, I did manage to do much of the newsletter in under an hour and then sent it off to church for approval. I hope that we'll soon be able to have it on the church computer!
I'm sorting out a movie outing for sunny-boy's birthday this Friday, monitoring the activities of dd1 and bf, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and dealing with the upsets of dd2. I'm not too chuffed at having to listen to Nintendo games in the other room while I'm writing but I have at least had my morning coffee now, so the bear with a sore head has quietened down somewhat.
Next major task on the agenda, aside from house and church work, is continuing the plans for the trip to England in April and apart from that, I'd like a little time to paint.
The first thing to hit me was the church newsletter. I'm not sure why I do this to myself, but I have painted myself into a corner for the love of technology and the desire not to go to the office and freeze my fingers off. For the duration of my tenure as the church secretary, the monthly newsletter has been prepared in the form of a Word document and due to its having a mind of its own it has become a difficult and time-consuming chore to keep the document formatted the way it needs to be, while changing the content. I've tried many times to start a new document in the hope of obliterating the gremlins but I only have to copy and paste a single element from the old document to cause all the gremlins to abandon ship and settle into a new home.
Since we work exclusively on Macs, the question arose as to whether it would be a worthwhile investment to purchase iWork 09, for $79. Before asking the church to make this investment, we played around with a thirty-day trial version of '08' to produce last month's newsletter, which, I must say, came out rather well. I used a set template and filled in and replaced the elements with our own information. This month, however, the thirty-day trial period on '08' had expired so another one - this time '09' - had to be opened on a different computer. To cut a long story short, I did manage to do much of the newsletter in under an hour and then sent it off to church for approval. I hope that we'll soon be able to have it on the church computer!
I'm sorting out a movie outing for sunny-boy's birthday this Friday, monitoring the activities of dd1 and bf, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and dealing with the upsets of dd2. I'm not too chuffed at having to listen to Nintendo games in the other room while I'm writing but I have at least had my morning coffee now, so the bear with a sore head has quietened down somewhat.
Next major task on the agenda, aside from house and church work, is continuing the plans for the trip to England in April and apart from that, I'd like a little time to paint.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Planning the next trip
Having developed a new love and respect for New York over the weekend, I must plan my visit to London for April and make sure I can find enough to excite and interest the offspring whilst we are there. Hopefully we wont have too much rain to spoil our walks out and about.
What might be a good idea is to approach my planning more as a teacher than a tourist. Randomly moving about London to see different things without focus and attention might be distracting, so I'm thinking of teaching them about the Tudors. (I don't think either of them have encountered the Tudors in their Soical Studies classes yet, so this will be a good start for them).
Before we leave for England, I'll find some stories for them, so they can learn about the Tudors. Then, once in London, we'll go to the places that make them come alive. First we will visit Hampton Court Palace, haunt of King Henry VIII. If it's a nice day, the gardens are nice to walk around, and, of course, there is the maze which ought to be usable in April. The palace itself is a masterpiece of Tudor architecture and one of my favourite "stately homes". We will see for ourselves how royalty lived back then.
Next we'll visit the Tower of London where we'll see Traitor's Gate, Tower Green (where two of Henry's wives were executed, as well as Mary Queen of Scots and others), and the tiny cells in which some famous prisoners were kept for many miserable years.
Later we'll visit the Museum of London to learn about the development and growth of London through the ages, and perhaps we'll also visit Shakespeare's Globe but that will depend on how tired we are!
Finally I want to take them to Madame Tussauds to see the waxworks. I haven't been there in donkey's years and it's another of my favorite places. Last time I was there, I tried to pay a waxwork figure in the gift shop, thinking it was a real person!
I might well take them to the Science Museum or the Victoria and Albert Museum which are two of my favourites and which are also free and we'll definitely do the London Eye. Oh what fun! I can't wait!
What might be a good idea is to approach my planning more as a teacher than a tourist. Randomly moving about London to see different things without focus and attention might be distracting, so I'm thinking of teaching them about the Tudors. (I don't think either of them have encountered the Tudors in their Soical Studies classes yet, so this will be a good start for them).
Before we leave for England, I'll find some stories for them, so they can learn about the Tudors. Then, once in London, we'll go to the places that make them come alive. First we will visit Hampton Court Palace, haunt of King Henry VIII. If it's a nice day, the gardens are nice to walk around, and, of course, there is the maze which ought to be usable in April. The palace itself is a masterpiece of Tudor architecture and one of my favourite "stately homes". We will see for ourselves how royalty lived back then.
Next we'll visit the Tower of London where we'll see Traitor's Gate, Tower Green (where two of Henry's wives were executed, as well as Mary Queen of Scots and others), and the tiny cells in which some famous prisoners were kept for many miserable years.
Later we'll visit the Museum of London to learn about the development and growth of London through the ages, and perhaps we'll also visit Shakespeare's Globe but that will depend on how tired we are!
Finally I want to take them to Madame Tussauds to see the waxworks. I haven't been there in donkey's years and it's another of my favorite places. Last time I was there, I tried to pay a waxwork figure in the gift shop, thinking it was a real person!
I might well take them to the Science Museum or the Victoria and Albert Museum which are two of my favourites and which are also free and we'll definitely do the London Eye. Oh what fun! I can't wait!
Monday, February 16, 2009
New York! New York!
I've just returned from my first visit to the Big Apple in 25 years and found it a very different place. Back then it was a hot, dirty, noisy and slightly scary place (not least because it was August, I was only 23 and addicted to American police dramas). This time it was chilly, clean, less noisy and felt as safe as I'd feel anywhere. Of course it was February but sightseeing in Times Square after midnight was magic!
Here is a selection of my favourite photos from the weekend.
1. The Apple store from inside the entrance.
2. Me and Him on 5th Avenue.
3. Chrysler Building and Grand Central Station
4. Same again, only closer. Love this one.
5. Love this one too - about 12:30am on Sunday Feb 15th, Times Square. People were posing by the heart for their Valentine's Day pictures.
6. 30 Rock. I love all the Art Deco design in Rockefeller Plaza
7. Last time I was in NY I went up the Empire State Building. This time I was able to photograph it. Ironically, last time, I was irritated by the World Trade Center because it was so big it spoiled the views. This time there was a clear view across and I was sad that I have no photos of the Twin Towers.
8. Zoomed in on Central Park and beyond.
9. What were once tall buildings... I like looking for the old amongst the new.
10. Reflections - a great design trick giving the illusion that the building isn't really there.
There wasn't time to see or do much more than this. We spent a lot of time sitting at tables in restaurants, talking and catching up. In between we probably walked about four miles Saturday evening and another mile or two on Sunday before we had to leave the city and head back north. I can't wait to go again - and I can't believe that I haven't been before.
Here is a selection of my favourite photos from the weekend.
1. The Apple store from inside the entrance.
2. Me and Him on 5th Avenue.
3. Chrysler Building and Grand Central Station
4. Same again, only closer. Love this one.
5. Love this one too - about 12:30am on Sunday Feb 15th, Times Square. People were posing by the heart for their Valentine's Day pictures.
6. 30 Rock. I love all the Art Deco design in Rockefeller Plaza
7. Last time I was in NY I went up the Empire State Building. This time I was able to photograph it. Ironically, last time, I was irritated by the World Trade Center because it was so big it spoiled the views. This time there was a clear view across and I was sad that I have no photos of the Twin Towers.
8. Zoomed in on Central Park and beyond.
9. What were once tall buildings... I like looking for the old amongst the new.
10. Reflections - a great design trick giving the illusion that the building isn't really there.
There wasn't time to see or do much more than this. We spent a lot of time sitting at tables in restaurants, talking and catching up. In between we probably walked about four miles Saturday evening and another mile or two on Sunday before we had to leave the city and head back north. I can't wait to go again - and I can't believe that I haven't been before.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Being Young
My cousin mentioned to me yesterday that he is a firm believer in the "18 'til I die" ethos. I don't know if that's possible. I have spent half my life trying to grow up and now that I'm middle-aged I sometimes think my teenage daughter is more mature than I am. I definitely feel my body is now aging a lot faster than I am, which is rather annoying. When my daughter had her friends over last weekend I wasn't sure how to behave. Stupid really. My inner 18-year-old wanted to go in and laugh and talk with them, join in their fun and get to know them. I felt that they weren't so different from me after all. But the 51-year-old parent was less sure and kept her distance. She didn't really talk or interact with them at all for fear that the daughter wouldn't like it, plus she felt responsible for seeing that there was no inappropriate behaviour. I felt uncomfortable because I know I'd rather have been with them than being an adult in the other room.
I often wonder how, as a parent and a so-called responsible adult, I am supposed to behave. When I was a teacher I was told that one really had to put on an act. Always in the back of my mind was a warning I got when I was a student teacher: "you can't let them win". Looking back, I received some bad advice and I should have ignored it, but I rally couldn't think for myself. I don't think I ever learned that I'd have done a lot better if I'd been more flexible, but there was always the fear that I would lose control and "they" would "win".
Being a parent is even harder than being a teacher. I want to be "firm but kind" but I seriously doubt that it works for anyone whose children won't go to bed, pick up their things, eat their dinner or comply with some other minor request. My children think I'm too serious, over-critical, dull, weird (that's a given) and too concerned with manners. They're usually right, but if I stop caring how they speak to me or each other or other people, they'll "win", I'll lose control and then I'll be labelled as a bad mother whose children are rude. In truth, my children get lots of freedom and I don't nag as much as I should and as a result we live in a pigsty and their rooms are often worse.
My children don't know that the person they know as "mum" isn't the real me. The real me laughs more than she cries and enjoys her friends and her hobbies, and hosts parties. The real me doesn't really care that the kids' rooms are a mess (unless they are dirty) and wants them to go out and have fun and be adventurous. Unfortunately in the back of my mind I can 'see' and 'hear' my mum and many other mums keeping a clean house, cooking, shopping and going to work full time. I don't remember our house being as messy as this one and I would never have been allowed to go out with holes in my clothes or torn hems (at least, not until I was a teenager and it became fashionable). My children don't know that when I suddenly start to get really strict it's because I feel guilty that I've allowed them to go around with scruffy hair and torn clothes and that a "real" mum would make sure that the house was always clean and the family would always eat and enjoy the food she cooks for them.
So, going back to my title, "Being Young", I think it's time I stopped trying to behave like a grown-up and let people take me as I am. Especially my family. I know that my children are surprised that I get as addicted to video games as they do and that my iPod has become permanently attached to my person and that I can't even leave the room without it. As far as the rest goes, I'll try to do better as a parent and be less heavy-handed (metaphorically). If the kids can't laugh with me and see the funny side of something, I'll let it go. If they do something to upset me, I'll let that go too. I won't even worry about their manners so much any more*; they'll have to find out for themselves that good manners have a place, even in 2009. I want them to see more of the happy 'me' and less of the "can't let them win" teacher. I've already made many, many mistakes and I don't want to wait until it's too late to change.
* I wrote this several hours before publishing and I managed to break that new rule at least six times in the space of two hours!! I probably should have included the proviso that I could only do this if they were willing to put other people's feelings before their own and could learn to think before they speak!
I often wonder how, as a parent and a so-called responsible adult, I am supposed to behave. When I was a teacher I was told that one really had to put on an act. Always in the back of my mind was a warning I got when I was a student teacher: "you can't let them win". Looking back, I received some bad advice and I should have ignored it, but I rally couldn't think for myself. I don't think I ever learned that I'd have done a lot better if I'd been more flexible, but there was always the fear that I would lose control and "they" would "win".
Being a parent is even harder than being a teacher. I want to be "firm but kind" but I seriously doubt that it works for anyone whose children won't go to bed, pick up their things, eat their dinner or comply with some other minor request. My children think I'm too serious, over-critical, dull, weird (that's a given) and too concerned with manners. They're usually right, but if I stop caring how they speak to me or each other or other people, they'll "win", I'll lose control and then I'll be labelled as a bad mother whose children are rude. In truth, my children get lots of freedom and I don't nag as much as I should and as a result we live in a pigsty and their rooms are often worse.
My children don't know that the person they know as "mum" isn't the real me. The real me laughs more than she cries and enjoys her friends and her hobbies, and hosts parties. The real me doesn't really care that the kids' rooms are a mess (unless they are dirty) and wants them to go out and have fun and be adventurous. Unfortunately in the back of my mind I can 'see' and 'hear' my mum and many other mums keeping a clean house, cooking, shopping and going to work full time. I don't remember our house being as messy as this one and I would never have been allowed to go out with holes in my clothes or torn hems (at least, not until I was a teenager and it became fashionable). My children don't know that when I suddenly start to get really strict it's because I feel guilty that I've allowed them to go around with scruffy hair and torn clothes and that a "real" mum would make sure that the house was always clean and the family would always eat and enjoy the food she cooks for them.
So, going back to my title, "Being Young", I think it's time I stopped trying to behave like a grown-up and let people take me as I am. Especially my family. I know that my children are surprised that I get as addicted to video games as they do and that my iPod has become permanently attached to my person and that I can't even leave the room without it. As far as the rest goes, I'll try to do better as a parent and be less heavy-handed (metaphorically). If the kids can't laugh with me and see the funny side of something, I'll let it go. If they do something to upset me, I'll let that go too. I won't even worry about their manners so much any more*; they'll have to find out for themselves that good manners have a place, even in 2009. I want them to see more of the happy 'me' and less of the "can't let them win" teacher. I've already made many, many mistakes and I don't want to wait until it's too late to change.
* I wrote this several hours before publishing and I managed to break that new rule at least six times in the space of two hours!! I probably should have included the proviso that I could only do this if they were willing to put other people's feelings before their own and could learn to think before they speak!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Goddess Moon
A blue-pink winter sky, a serene moment captured by an old school chum who inspires more than she knows. Look up once in a while and take a moment to breathe, enjoy, and be thankful for all the good in the world. Thanks for the inspiration Kaz,
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Life's a Long Song
I'm sure the world doesn't wish to read my pontifications. I for one would rather gather pearls of genius dropped via the ethernet by Stephen Fry or Clive James. Perhaps, like me, you are also interested in people you actually know, or might know.
The thought for the day is that all those sayings about life being a journey and not a destination, etc., etc. are actually quite true. Having reached the great age of fifty-one I feel at liberty to share what I have found to be true about Life.
1. Life occurs in phases. Some are planned and prepared for (such as marriage) while others are not (such as death of a loved one)
2. Some phases are eagerly anticipated and enjoyed while others are to be endured. None of them are predictable.
So far I am in what I consider to be the 4th phase of my life.
Phase the First:
Childhood. The time when you don't know you're born, when life was good and (you later learn) was still good when it was bad. It's the bad that makes you appreciate the good.
Phase the Second:
Adolescence. In my case, the transition between childhood and adolescence was jarringly punctuated with a sledgehammer, by the death of my father. This phase was, to put it mildly, full of sunshine and tears, but a more accurate description of my emotions is that I alternated between breath-taking joy and the most devastating feelings of melancholy. Again, with hindsight, it was neither of those extremes, but a teenager's life back then could be, and often was, a soap opera.
Phase the Third:
Freedom. Going to college, getting in debt, ignoring letters from the bank, going home pleading poverty, getting a job, paying taxes, going on holiday with friends, making friends, losing friends, facing the cost of living, acquiring Stuff, acquiring More Stuff, having to answer to no-one (except the boss and the bank manager), learning to be independent.
Phase the Fourth:
Middle age. In my case this meant getting married, moving to America, having babies, acquiring Even More Stuff (and then gradually coming to realise I don't want most of it), making a home and realising I'll never have my dream home. Then realising that my dream home is where there is love, laughter, gratitude, contentment and appreciation for all that is good. Then realising that the rest of my family isn't there yet and having to be a parent.
Phase the Fifth:
Older than my parents. A year from now I'll be the same age as my dad (at the time he died). Can't predict that phase.
The thought for the day is that all those sayings about life being a journey and not a destination, etc., etc. are actually quite true. Having reached the great age of fifty-one I feel at liberty to share what I have found to be true about Life.
1. Life occurs in phases. Some are planned and prepared for (such as marriage) while others are not (such as death of a loved one)
2. Some phases are eagerly anticipated and enjoyed while others are to be endured. None of them are predictable.
So far I am in what I consider to be the 4th phase of my life.
Phase the First:
Childhood. The time when you don't know you're born, when life was good and (you later learn) was still good when it was bad. It's the bad that makes you appreciate the good.
Phase the Second:
Adolescence. In my case, the transition between childhood and adolescence was jarringly punctuated with a sledgehammer, by the death of my father. This phase was, to put it mildly, full of sunshine and tears, but a more accurate description of my emotions is that I alternated between breath-taking joy and the most devastating feelings of melancholy. Again, with hindsight, it was neither of those extremes, but a teenager's life back then could be, and often was, a soap opera.
Phase the Third:
Freedom. Going to college, getting in debt, ignoring letters from the bank, going home pleading poverty, getting a job, paying taxes, going on holiday with friends, making friends, losing friends, facing the cost of living, acquiring Stuff, acquiring More Stuff, having to answer to no-one (except the boss and the bank manager), learning to be independent.
Phase the Fourth:
Middle age. In my case this meant getting married, moving to America, having babies, acquiring Even More Stuff (and then gradually coming to realise I don't want most of it), making a home and realising I'll never have my dream home. Then realising that my dream home is where there is love, laughter, gratitude, contentment and appreciation for all that is good. Then realising that the rest of my family isn't there yet and having to be a parent.
Phase the Fifth:
Older than my parents. A year from now I'll be the same age as my dad (at the time he died). Can't predict that phase.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Time to make a proper announcement
Having announced the existence of my previous blog only a couple of months ago, I've been reluctant to announce this one lest people should be irritated by me. However, I like this one better because it's nice and smooth to work with and most people should be able to view it with ease. So, whether you have been reading this from the beginning (way back when I started this two weeks ago) or whether you have just joined me, 'Welcome to the better blog'.
Now I feel the need to communicate my every move and thought, and also know about other people's. I'm Twittering, Blogging and Facebooking and I daresay if another method of sharing my dull world with the universe should happen to come my way, I'll probably add that too. At least now I've got the three things I am using connected, so my one-line updates will be done through Twitter and in-depth stuff will be here. My goal is to get 'back' with my old friends in the UK and try to make it feel as though I'm not quite so far away, as well as step up communications with my local friends and stave off some of the cabin fever that the winter inevitably brings. However, what disappears with all this interconnection is the freedom to always write exactly what is in the forefront of one's mind because of fear of spoiling a surprise, causing offence or simply sharing Too Much Information. Fortunately most of my life is an open book so don't come here looking for scandal. There is a risk of this becoming simply a day by day description of the mundane and banal but since I'm interested in my people and I hope they are interested in me.
I've noticed that I use cliches and stock phrases way too much - to the point where I'm embarrassed to own them. In fact it means that actually I don't own them and that there is nothing original in my writing. (I do enjoy gathering snippets of wit to toss casually into conversation, passing them off as my own, but to actually write them down is another matter entirely.) I have many learned and talented friends who have had their writing and research published and whose books can be found on Amazon. I'm very proud of them and their hard work and quite surprised that such intelligentsia would have time for me. It makes me feel a bit inadequate because while they've been so busy, I've been faffing around and have little to show for my time - except a hundred and fifty unfinished projects.
I hope you enjoy the blog and I hope you will comment.
x
Now I feel the need to communicate my every move and thought, and also know about other people's. I'm Twittering, Blogging and Facebooking and I daresay if another method of sharing my dull world with the universe should happen to come my way, I'll probably add that too. At least now I've got the three things I am using connected, so my one-line updates will be done through Twitter and in-depth stuff will be here. My goal is to get 'back' with my old friends in the UK and try to make it feel as though I'm not quite so far away, as well as step up communications with my local friends and stave off some of the cabin fever that the winter inevitably brings. However, what disappears with all this interconnection is the freedom to always write exactly what is in the forefront of one's mind because of fear of spoiling a surprise, causing offence or simply sharing Too Much Information. Fortunately most of my life is an open book so don't come here looking for scandal. There is a risk of this becoming simply a day by day description of the mundane and banal but since I'm interested in my people and I hope they are interested in me.
I've noticed that I use cliches and stock phrases way too much - to the point where I'm embarrassed to own them. In fact it means that actually I don't own them and that there is nothing original in my writing. (I do enjoy gathering snippets of wit to toss casually into conversation, passing them off as my own, but to actually write them down is another matter entirely.) I have many learned and talented friends who have had their writing and research published and whose books can be found on Amazon. I'm very proud of them and their hard work and quite surprised that such intelligentsia would have time for me. It makes me feel a bit inadequate because while they've been so busy, I've been faffing around and have little to show for my time - except a hundred and fifty unfinished projects.
I hope you enjoy the blog and I hope you will comment.
x
Friday, February 6, 2009
Friday Night Thoughts
Gosh it's hard to write with so many distractions! The TV is on, the next room is full of teenagers playing games and I don't seem to be able to focus on what to write. Listening to them really reminds me of the youth club I went to at my church when I was 14 and 15. We met every Wednesday in the community centre from 7.30 to 9.30. Usually there was at least one organised activity but the rest of the time we played records and danced, or talked or played table tennis or some other game. It was probably hard work for the adults involved and I don't know that we ever really thanked them for their efforts. Anyway - these kids seem to be having a lot of fun tonight. They're laughing and joking and in high spirits. I feel old.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
More on photography
In 2006 I got a new camera which I loved, but in the space of a year it was all but completely destroyed. Fortunately it was still intact the last time I was in London. These are my favourites of the photos I took at that time.
Something Old, Something Blue is a fascinating juxtaposition of one of London's newest landmarks with one of its oldest. I hope to get more from within the Tower walls this year. I love the Gherkin and the Tower buildings themselves are a mishmash of different kinds of architecture in this picture, so as long as there aren't too many more gherkins in the pipeline and the old architecture remains in its rightful place, I like it.
Blue Sky, London Eye uses one of those colour-accent effects that my camera has - my newer camera doesn't have that feature, sadly. I really like the greys and the contrast with the blue.
Britain in the Sky is one of my especial favourites. I managed to get the British Airways plane in the sky as it flew over the (formerly) British Airways London Eye and as it passed a cloud which to me looks strangely like a map of Britain.
Rope Line gave me a rare opportunity to see some photographers waiting for.... whom? This was The Mall and there was a red carpet and a gallery of some sort, so I waited with them. Sadly I didn't recognise anyone who walked the red carpet that day, despite hanging around for over an hour. It was fun people-watching though.
A few weeks later the poor camera was flung rather dramatically (and accidentally) into a swimming pool. It was dried out and continued to function, but not quite as well as before. A few months later it was jammed into a locker door and dropped a couple more times. It's now in Jamie's possession and I have a new camera, up from 7mp to 12. I hope to be able to get some good shots this year.
A few weeks later the poor camera was flung rather dramatically (and accidentally) into a swimming pool. It was dried out and continued to function, but not quite as well as before. A few months later it was jammed into a locker door and dropped a couple more times. It's now in Jamie's possession and I have a new camera, up from 7mp to 12. I hope to be able to get some good shots this year.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Marbleous
Several years ago if you'd asked me if I had any hobbies, I'd probably have said "shopping" and "socialising". Actually I also knitted and cross-stitched fairly frequently, but they sounded too spinsterish to admit to as "hobbies" for a young single independent woman. At about the same time that I got married, I stopped full time work, so there was actually a need for me to find an absorbing occupation.
It was a few years before I had time for hobbies other than taking care of children and watching TV but at some oint I decided to take up painting. I painted like mad for about three years and then stopped as abruptly as I started. That led to photography - both for inspiration and to post my work online. That in turn led to me setting up my own website and messing about with page and designs. The art led to me trying to "paint'' in fabric, using colours and textures - I started a piece a year or so ago and it's still not finished because I'm looking for the right fabric to finish it off.
I enjoy photographing the wildlife I see outside my house, as well as street scenes and famous landmarks, but in the latter case I try to find less common aspects.
Occasionally I photograph something around the house, like this marble game.
It was a few years before I had time for hobbies other than taking care of children and watching TV but at some oint I decided to take up painting. I painted like mad for about three years and then stopped as abruptly as I started. That led to photography - both for inspiration and to post my work online. That in turn led to me setting up my own website and messing about with page and designs. The art led to me trying to "paint'' in fabric, using colours and textures - I started a piece a year or so ago and it's still not finished because I'm looking for the right fabric to finish it off.
I enjoy photographing the wildlife I see outside my house, as well as street scenes and famous landmarks, but in the latter case I try to find less common aspects.
Occasionally I photograph something around the house, like this marble game.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Losing Touch
Among the many thoughts that have meandered through my mind recently was a feeling of being tired of being in America and surrounded by Americans. I even said it aloud, which was unfortunate because I have an all-American family and many American friends. Such statements are usually at the tip of an iceberg of thoughts that swim in and out of being and gather together in a hidden mass. I'm not so much tired of being here, as being separated from British culture - of being 'in' with the current slang and trends, for example.
British people enjoy wordplay, like to mimic accents and create clever catchphrases. They find humour in almost everything and once a saying or phrase has taken hold, you hear it everywhere. Sometimes it will be a direct lift from a television programme; sometimes it will be a pun-loaded headline from a tabloid newspaper, or it might be an unfortunate quote from a politician or celebrity. Everyday slang has its own evolving vocabulary which, with technology, is spreading globally, yet each country retains its own distinctive flavour. There are so many words which have entered everyday speech in Britain since I left sixteen years ago that I now sometimes have to ask for a translation.
I used to laugh a lot. There was always someone with a humorous comment and I was often quick to respond in the same vein. I'm not a comedienne but like some comedians, I need a 'feed' in order to make my own witty comeback, and join the banter. I so enjoy my visits from old friends and relatives and I despair of the lack of humour in my own family so much that I sometimes feel like an alien in my own home. I gave up making jokes many years ago when I got no response or a puzzled silence and funny looks. It truly depressed me. I know I would have returned to England back then if I hadn't been married with children.
What is it that prevents people from finding something to laugh and smile about when things aren't going well? I grew up in a home where the old wartime sentiments still had a place. Put on a happy face. Smile and the world smiles with you. Mustn't grumble. Even when we were at our saddest we found something to smile at. Some feelings were suppressed for the good of the family and community. Have things changed all that much? I think so. I thought we were all supposed to do what we could to make life better for other people by smiling, being cheerful, helping people and being considerate. Who changed the rules? We now live in a "self first" culture which is teaching children that they don't have to do something if they don't want to and that makes them selfish and a parent's work all the harder.
I miss being British in Britain. I'm taking the two youngest children with me to England but I don't want to deal with their fussy eating and their disinterest in seeing and experiencing new things. I find myself issuing daily warnings about how they ought not to behave when we go for our visit and I promise them that we will visit some places they would like to see. I don't think they know much about other countries and cultures (except what they've learned from us). At their ages I had a list of places I wanted to visit in the world, but they have the internet. What's the point of going all that way to see something they can "experience" in the living room? This is what I hear: 'Do they have cable?', 'Do they have internet?', 'Are we taking the laptop?', 'Can we take both laptops so we can have one each?' 'How can I charge my iPod?' 'Don't forget the DS charger.' 'I don't want to go on a plane.' 'I don't know what I want to do.' To be fair, I've also heard cheers at the prospect of meeting their cousins for the first time and a trip on the London Eye. They will absolutely enjoy the visit if they keep an open mind and get their heads out of the electronics!
We plan to spend a few days in London and that will include the London Eye and the Tower of London. I'd like to add the V&A and a river trip to Hampton Court Palace. I want to let them see the horseguards, Downing Street, Buckingham Palace and Madame Tussauds. I love London and this is an opportunity we won't have again for a few more years. I'm lucky that we can do this and I'm excited to be able to go!
British people enjoy wordplay, like to mimic accents and create clever catchphrases. They find humour in almost everything and once a saying or phrase has taken hold, you hear it everywhere. Sometimes it will be a direct lift from a television programme; sometimes it will be a pun-loaded headline from a tabloid newspaper, or it might be an unfortunate quote from a politician or celebrity. Everyday slang has its own evolving vocabulary which, with technology, is spreading globally, yet each country retains its own distinctive flavour. There are so many words which have entered everyday speech in Britain since I left sixteen years ago that I now sometimes have to ask for a translation.
I used to laugh a lot. There was always someone with a humorous comment and I was often quick to respond in the same vein. I'm not a comedienne but like some comedians, I need a 'feed' in order to make my own witty comeback, and join the banter. I so enjoy my visits from old friends and relatives and I despair of the lack of humour in my own family so much that I sometimes feel like an alien in my own home. I gave up making jokes many years ago when I got no response or a puzzled silence and funny looks. It truly depressed me. I know I would have returned to England back then if I hadn't been married with children.
What is it that prevents people from finding something to laugh and smile about when things aren't going well? I grew up in a home where the old wartime sentiments still had a place. Put on a happy face. Smile and the world smiles with you. Mustn't grumble. Even when we were at our saddest we found something to smile at. Some feelings were suppressed for the good of the family and community. Have things changed all that much? I think so. I thought we were all supposed to do what we could to make life better for other people by smiling, being cheerful, helping people and being considerate. Who changed the rules? We now live in a "self first" culture which is teaching children that they don't have to do something if they don't want to and that makes them selfish and a parent's work all the harder.
I miss being British in Britain. I'm taking the two youngest children with me to England but I don't want to deal with their fussy eating and their disinterest in seeing and experiencing new things. I find myself issuing daily warnings about how they ought not to behave when we go for our visit and I promise them that we will visit some places they would like to see. I don't think they know much about other countries and cultures (except what they've learned from us). At their ages I had a list of places I wanted to visit in the world, but they have the internet. What's the point of going all that way to see something they can "experience" in the living room? This is what I hear: 'Do they have cable?', 'Do they have internet?', 'Are we taking the laptop?', 'Can we take both laptops so we can have one each?' 'How can I charge my iPod?' 'Don't forget the DS charger.' 'I don't want to go on a plane.' 'I don't know what I want to do.' To be fair, I've also heard cheers at the prospect of meeting their cousins for the first time and a trip on the London Eye. They will absolutely enjoy the visit if they keep an open mind and get their heads out of the electronics!
We plan to spend a few days in London and that will include the London Eye and the Tower of London. I'd like to add the V&A and a river trip to Hampton Court Palace. I want to let them see the horseguards, Downing Street, Buckingham Palace and Madame Tussauds. I love London and this is an opportunity we won't have again for a few more years. I'm lucky that we can do this and I'm excited to be able to go!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
