A Wet October Wednesday

My life has changed. It's been gradual, but it's been changing over the past year from the way it was for the five or so years before that. I'm coming to the realisation that I've entered another phase of my life. The change hasn't been drastic or dramatic and no-one outside my own head (or you who read my blog) will even have noticed, but it has happened nonetheless. My life has changed because I find I am spending more time alone than I was a year or so ago - not through my own fault, but through changed circumstances. My self-confidence has taken a blow so I find it harder to talk to people and that in turn leaves me at a loss as to where to go next.

The greatest enemy to a bright future is to mourn the past and so while I might learn from my mistakes, I cannot allow myself to say "life was better when...", so I won't. My life is good right now and I'm not going to worry about whether or not it will be good next week or next year; I'm just going to make the most of now. Right now I have a comfortable home, time and resources to pursue my interests, I have family, friends and pets to love and I have reasonably good health. How dare I wish for more than that?

Right now I am in need of a friend to go out with for a day.

October Snow

It's looking rather nice out there this morning. The snow is falling gently, the air is cool and damp and all this will be gone by lunchtime. If you've seen my autumn photos before, you might notice the absence of the usual red and orange and then you might notice that the double-trunked tree in the foreground is bereft of leaves and this is because, sadly, the tree didn't bloom this year. I had mixed feelings about it because all summer long I enjoyed being able to see across the yard without peering through foliage, but now that it's Fall, I find myself missing the blaze of glorious color that this tree used to give us. I think we will leave it in place a year or two to see if it revives, but I fear it's given its last.

Life in the house is less stressful at present, so we are sailing along on a pretty even keel. This week I decided to learn how to 'mail merge' my Christmas card envelopes but I had to start by typing all my addresses into 'Entourage'. Having been a Mac user for several years and a Microsoft user only through necessity, I had never used Entourage and was surprised how similar it looks to the MobileMe homepage so it was easy. I haven't actually merged the mail yet, but I will do, soon. Last year I sent out very few cards at Christmas, and tried to send out letters afterwards. Even so I didn't get out as many letters as I wanted to and it was sometime in August when I finally removed the basket of still-unanswered letters from my desk. I am determined to have all my Christmas correspondence ready to be mailed by Thanksgiving this year and to avoid all the usual stress of doing everything at the same time as everybody else. There must be a way to get it all done AND to enjoy the festivities. Mind you, it makes me shudder to have to spend $70 on postage to send all the cards to the UK.

Now that we've seen the first snow, I have to decide on whether I should splurge on a new winter coat. I haven't had a proper winter coat in years because I was gaining weight and didn't want to waste money on a good coat that (hopefully) would soon be too big for me. I've lost 34lbs since this time last year, but that really isn't good enough for a new coat. I have, however, got a new hairstyle. I asked John at Scizzors to "modernize me"and so he did. It's shortish at the back, a bit longer at the front and to boot I've added a bright pink hair extension at the front in support of the National Breast Cancer Foundation. I've had it admired and I've seen a few people do a double take. I think it's a great idea because every cent of the $10 I paid for it will go to the cause and, to be honest, I'm tired of all the Susan G Komen pinkery everywhere. There can't be many right-minded people that think that having a pink mixer is doing much to support breast-cancer research, can there? For the $80 you might spend on this mixer, $7 goes to the cause. I think my $10 hair extension is better value.

Now and then

This week I've had a conversation with DS's teachers and next week I'm seeing DD2's teachers. Things are looking up on the school front and I hope we won't be having any more major upsets. I am left puzzled, though by the concept of 'student-led' conferences which this year are taking the place of the traditional parent-teacher conference at the middle school. By the time conference day rolls around I hope we will already have resolved our problems, but supposing I had decided to wait until the day to air my concerns and then discovered there was no opportunity to speak with the teachers in confidence? I'm not sure what this is all about except I'm sure it makes for an easier conference for the teachers.

This week and next are both four-day weeks for the kids, which means two extra sleep-ins for me. I made good headway with the housework yesterday, but this morning I have to go to the dentist to get my new crown fitted. I fear my teeth are not in good shape. I counted them the other day and I only have 27 teeth and now four of them are crowned. I wish I could prevent any more of them from going the same way. Root canals and crowns are very expensive.

I'm making some jewellery as Christmas gifts this year. I've bought some semi-precious stone beads and started making something the other day, but I've realised that a necklace made just with those beads can be quite heavy on the neck, so I'm going to buy some smaller, lightweight beads to put with them and then try again. Hopefully if I finish my chores today, I'll have time to work on that tomorrow.

I let my Ancestry subscription expire this week in order to save some money and to prevent myself from getting too deeply involved in the family history. I do find that when I'm working on it, I become more stressed with trying to keep it organised and with all the information buzzing around in my head. I fret over who was doing what, when and with whom 150 years ago and all the problems that need solving in order to piece together the puzzle occupy my thoughts night and day. I think that what I really need to do is do it for a month at a time during the quieter times of the year, and then put it away for a while to regroup and remind myself that I live in the 21st century, not the 19th! I don't think I'll be working on it again until the new year now.

I'm excited that on Saturday we are going to a local theatre to see Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull. Apparently Ian Anderson is the only original member of JT - but then again, who even knew any of the rest of them? Jethro Tull's appeal for me has always been Ian Anderson's voice and the haunting highlights of his flute, so what does it matter? I hope they play some of the old songs but it will be nice to hear new material too. I expect the audience will be filled with middle-aged and aging hippies - I wonder what they'll all be wearing? If I'd gone to a JT concert in my youth I'd have worn a maxi dress, platform shoes, a 12-foot long scarf and glitter in my hair. Perhaps not this time though... I never thought we'd all get old and be going to see old performers. In fact, often the old performers' voices don't hold up so well, but I'm hoping. Ian Anderson: my generation's Bing Crosby*. Actually, I should have said Russ Conway, my mum's favourite popular pianist, but I doubt you've heard of him and I don't have a Russ Conway joke. :)


*(Scottish joke: Q - What's the difference between Walt Disney and Bing Crosby? A - Bing sings but Walt dis nae.)

Education

I've been trying not to say anything about this but it's come to a head in this household. What are the schools doing to our children? Specifically, my children?

Sadly none of them are in Elementary school any more and I can't home-school them. The school day is long, and starts early. The high school begins its classes at 7.30am - that's the time I used to crawl out of bed on a school day back in the 1970's. DD1 leaves home an hour before that to catch the school bus and arrives at school thirty minutes before classes start. (I walked for 20-25 minutes and arrived at school at 8.45.) DD2 and DS are in middle school and they start half an hour after the high school, but leave an hour after DD1 because the schools are nearer and the bus comes later. They arrive home half an hour after DD1 in the afternoon so all three are home again by 3pm. I walked home and arrived just after 4pm if I went straight home, but often I was sidetracked with friends. The school day is so different. Even at secondary school we had a 15-minute break mid-morning and over an hour for lunch (so lots of free time to eat and hang out with friends). My children get about 10 minutes to eat lunch and the middle school's so-called recess lasts about five or ten minutes immediately following that. So times have changed and I'm in another country and it is what it is and I can't change it.

The school times are a contributing factor to the problems on the domestic front because none of us like to get up early in the morning, but another burden upon us all is homework. After a day of being cooped up in school, and sitting on a bus, instead of being free as a bird to play and relax, they have to do their homework. Experience has taught me and them that if they don't get started on it within an hour of arriving home, it won't get done before dinner and if isn't, it can take up the whole evening with the children just wanting to relax and go to bed.

Then there is the quality and quantity of the work, the texts and in some cases, the teaching. I think that's the most frustrating aspect. No education system is perfect. Teachers are bound by district and state requirements and guidelines (mandates), and making sure their students get good results in state tests. They can't teach what they want, when they want or how they want because presumed professionalism went out the window twenty years ago (perhaps longer in the US) and apparently teachers nowadays can't be trusted to know what's best or appropriate for the students in front of them. I know that. But is any of that right? Is one-size-fits-all really better for our children, just to ensure that all children get the exact same education? I really don't think so.

The children in our schools are deprived of certain valuable learning experiences – what we used to call "lessons". (See? the jargon is so much a part of everyday speech that I didn't even notice it.) Yes, the world is continually changing, but actually, the education a child needs for life hasn't changed all that much. What's important, especially for the under-13's, is an opportunity to breathe, to grow, to learn independence and the skills that will carry them safely from A to B. By they time they are 13 they should be ready for some serious academic learning to keep them out of trouble. OK, so that's generalizing. But isn't that what the schools are doing?

Fund Raisers - arrgghh!!

It's that time of year again and once again the dreaded fundraisers have come around. The schools are pushing Entertainment coupon books with pies and magazines in the near future (ds) and the Girl Scouts are hawking nuts and magazines (dd2). Meanwhile we have to pay a $100 participation fee to the High School to allow dd1 to be in the musical and $50 to the middle school to allow dd2 to be in the 'select' choir. All this comes only weeks after spending $200 on supplies for three children, new outfits for the first day back (kept to a minimum) and $300+ on ballet classes for dd1. Oh yes... we also had school photos in the first month of school. In a few short weeks it will be Christmas and even more expense. This time of year is hectic enough without all this.

I dislike the selling-for-reward type of fundraising and would like to know what the kids actually learn from this. Even the Girl Scouts! I was a Brownie, Guide and Ranger (at odd times, not continuously) in England and fund-raising of this sort was something we never did with the exception of collecting or raising money for a charity. When dd1 wanted to join the Girl Scout Cadettes I thought it would be worthwhile and she would learn some useful skills and have some fun, but after the first meeting she comes home with fund-raisers! She couldn't even tell me what they were raising money for, but said something about money for a trip to Disneyworld (where are the frowny-smileys when you want them?).

I hate to be one of those "in my day..." people, but I thought Girl Scouts was about learning useful skills, service to the community, becoming self-sufficient, and being helpful. Apparently not. Apparently they are as self-serving as the rest of them. So far, I am not impressed.

Laugh? I wish I could

I think I've lost the ability to laugh. I hate to dwell on what I used to be and what it was like in my family of Mum, Dad, my sister and me, but while I remember that there were fights and arguments I also remember that there were as many - if not more - times when we laughed and had fun together. I don't know why I can't recreate that in my own family today. I really don't.

Let me see. When we were on long car trips we all used to sing - mum, dad and us. We sang mostly songs that we all knew and sometimes my sister and I would sing songs learned at school. We didn't sing all the time though because sometimes my sister suffered from travel-sickness which was most unpleasant and was the cause of many a loud complaint from me. We also used to kneel up on the back seat of the car and wave to the driver of the car behind us. We laughed and waved more when they waved back and grinned cheekily if they didn't, calling them a "mouldy old mop" or something like that. In the present day, though, when we are on long car trips, the radio has to be loudly tuned to NPR which has lots of talk that only my husband wants to hear and there's not even a chance to get lost in one's own thoughts, never mind sing songs and tell stories together. The kids are in the back plugged into iPods and DVD players anyway, so the goal (apparently) is to keep everyone quiet and occupied until we get there. Not much fun though, is it.

At home, when little things went wrong, I remember, we might have made a joke of it to make someone feel better, or we'd try to see the funny side. A power failure became an adventure of blankets and torches (flashlights) and picnics in the living room. Nothing (as far as I can remember) was turned into a big disaster unless it was one, and then we'd try to do our best to find something positive to say to raise our spirits. All too often in my home today, arguments escalate, people take things too seriously and dramas soon become crises even if they don't have to be. I even get told I'm not funny when I try to make light of things. These are my children and husband aren't they? So why don't I feel as if I fit in here?

I used to laugh a lot. My mother laughed a lot and my grandma laughed through her whole life. I can't think of either of them without seeing the smiles on their faces and hearing their laughter yet they both suffered tragedy and hardship in their lives and they both had days when they would get angry or upset. The overwhelming memory though is a happy one. My sister still laughs a lot but I often feel depressed and helpless and alone in my own home. I want to be able to tell a funny story and have someone laugh and I want to reciprocate. To be fair it does happen sometimes with the kids so I'm not saying we never laugh because we do. I just wish there was more that we could laugh at together. The one and only time we all laughed at the same thing was when we went to see Blue Man Group. I'll never forget looking along the row at my family and seeing them all laugh together. It's something I'd like to see happen again.

What am I doing wrong? Why am I incapable of turning my home into the warm and happy place I'd like it to be? What am I missing?

Catching up again

Where the heck does the time go at this time of year? One minute it's summer and I'm thinking I have this long strech of time ahead of me to catch up on the little things and suddenly it's practically October (well, next week) and there's Christmas stationery in Staples!

My cousin was over from the UK last week, spending a few days here before heading to the big apple and thence to the nation's capital. We managed to do quite well with a mixture of being at home, meeting friends and sight-seeing*. She arrived Wednesday afternoon and we arrived home a little while after the kids got home from school. They were full of news and were reluctant to get on with homework with a visitor in the house. Later on sunny boy had a soccer practice, after which we sat down for dinner.

Thursday I took Cathy to Old Sturbridge Village where we spent a few hours in the 1830s. This isn't an unusual experience for me because of all the family history I study, but it did make me wonder how the rural New England family of the 1830s would compare with their English counterparts. Later we ran an errand or two and then went home for tacos.

Friday I had a few friends over for coffee - it was nice to reinstate the old coffee mornings, although I won't be doing them monthly any more. We had some much needed laughs and it was good to catch up on some of the neighbors. Later I took Cathy to the Artemas Ward House for more 18th and 19th century experiences and in the evening we went out to our favourite restaurant for dinner.

Not an exciting read, I'm afraid, but we had a very pleasant time.