The 21st century teenage party - a parent's point of view

hat the hell I was thinking when I thought it would be nice for my daughter to have the birthday party she wanted? I have never intentionally given her everything she has ever asked for except at Christmas and birthdays, and then only when the request has been reasonable.

So here is the story of the so-called "Sweet Sixteen" party. It actually started when she was twelve and in 6th grade when she wanted "a hotel party". I never discovered where she got that particular idea from, but she was told that we were not going to rent a hotel room for her and her friends and a hotel party wasn't going to happen at age twelve or at any other age under 21. The next big party idea was born out of her friends' bat- and bar-mitzvah celebrations. There were indeed some impressive invitations to parties held in hotel ballrooms with entertainment and party favors and many guests in their finery. Since we aren't Jewish, I haven't experienced such events firsthand, but I don't doubt that they make quite an impression on a non-Jewish thirteen-year-old.

I only slowly came to realise that American families still hold Sweet Sixteen parties for their daughters. I imagined they had died out in the 1960s because the only TV show on which I had seen one depicted was "Happy Days". The "Sweet Sixteen" phenomenon doesn't exist in the UK and the expectations of teenagers are poles apart so this is very new ground to me. I can't seem to explain things to her in a way that she is willing and able to hear and she accuses me of not listening to her. I certainly am listening, but what she doesn't like is that I'm not agreeing to everything she wants. The "Sweet Sixteens" (and there's an oxymoron if ever there was one) I have heard about have ranged from a family dinner with cake, to an expensive night out with a group of friends to a hotel party with a DJ. When DD1 started saying a year ago "when I have my Sweet Sixteen" I should have known something was brewing.

Early November

Sweet 16: I want the hypnotist at my party
Me: How much does he charge?

I make the inquiry and am told he charges $400 per show

Me: If we agree, it will have to be your birthday present because it's a lot of money
Sweet 16: If it's going to be my present I want the party to be the way I want it.
Me: The family (four of us) must also be invited. If we had any family within a thousand miles, they'd be coming too.

Exit Sweet Sixteen

Mid-December

Me to hubby: I'd like to go ahead and book the hypnotist - we could do a surprise party for her.
Hubby: OK, I have no objections if that's what you want to do

Later that day... I cannot keep a secret

Me: (very pleased) I've booked the hypnotist; he's coming on your birthday
Sweet 16: Wait... what time?

Me: (waiting for a thank you) 9 o'clock in the evening and you have a half day so there's time to help get ready

Sweet 16: Okaaayy... (pause) Wait... what show is he doing?
Me: (still very pleased and hoping for approval) Hypnotism and mind-reading. That's what you wanted, right?

Sweet 16: Yeahh...

Me: ...so we'll have to agree on how many guests you can have and on the invitations.
Sweet 16: I'll invite people on Facebook
Me: No, we need to know who's here and we should have proper invitations. They can RSVP to me by email if you like.
Sweet 16: No! That's creepy! I'm not asking my friends to email my parents! We never use email.

Later....

Sweet 16: I want a black and white theme with everyone wearing black and white, but I'm going to wear red, and I want wristbands.
Me: Wristbands? What for?
Sweet 16: So people wear them when they come and we know they're invited.
Me: We'd better know everyone! We don't need wristbands.
Sweet 16: But I want them. Everyone has them.
Me: We can stamp their hands when they arrive. I have a purple inkpad.
Sweet 16: No I want wristbands.
Me: We need a budget.

Much later....

Me: I've been looking online for some invitation ideas. We can do photo cards or we can make our own with nice stationery. What do you think of these?
Sweet 16: Did you use a Wedding invitation for this?
Me: Yes, how did you know?
Sweet 16: It has two doves on it.
Me: Oops.

Much later...

Sweet 16: I like these.
Me: (looking) Those are $70! That's too much.
Sweet 16: I don't like any of them anyway.
Me: Send me a photo of you (I'm not allowed to take photos of her any more so meet with her approval I have to ask for self-portraits)

Several days later

Me: I'm allocating a budget of $100 for invitations, decorations and extras. You can invite 19 people, making 20 altogether, with you.
Sweet 16: 19 won't be enough
Me: well if you must invite more, 25 is the absolute maximum

Later....

Sweet 16: I've got 28 people....

After Christmas

Me: We need to decide on those invitations so we can get them out in the New year.
Sweet 16: (after looking online and off and liking nothing) I don't care, I'll just put it on Facebook

The next day...

Me: (after three hours online designing inexpensive photo invitation card) What do you think of this?

Actual constructive discussion occurs, resulting in positive input from Sweet 16, new wording and new photos and an approved invitation ordered. A miracle!

Later...

Sweet 16: So can I section off the party room like I said?
(This would involve using sheets to cover openings and stairways in our open-plan house and effectively cut the family off. )
Me: I don;t think that would work and why do you want to section if off?
Sweet 16: I want it to be dark and I want people to know where to go
Me: You can tell them when they come in
Sweet 16: I'm not going to stand at the door and say "hi, welcome to my party and can I take your coat! I want to say it's up there, just go in"

(Me to self: What, do you think I'm reinventing Little Lord Fauntleroy's birthday party here...?)

... and I want it dark and I don't want you two on armchairs watching TV or on the computers on in the middle of the room watching us.
Me: We are going to be here to watch over things.
Sweet 16: You can be downstairs.
Me: We have to be able to make sure everything's OK and there's no alcohol or anything untoward occurring.
Sweet 16: What do you think my friends are like?
Me: This is America. We are responsible for what happens in our house. Someone might decide to do something stupid. (Thinks: sexting... inappropriate groping in the dark.... alcohol... prescription drugs... I know what happened when I was sixteen)
Sweet 16: Fine. You'll sit in the middle of the room and watch TV.
Me: No - I thought your friends might like to use the Wii in the other room.
Sweet 16: You'll be in the middle of the room staring at us and it'll be awkward.
Me: No we won't but we will be around to keep an eye on things.
Sweet 16: You aren't listening to me.
Me: Yes I am. I understand what you want. I'm happy for you to have decorations, and have the lights out, but we have to be able to come in and check on things.
Sweet 16: You'll want all the lights on and it'll be awkward! You aren't listening to me!
Me: We are paying a lot of money for this party and it will be done properly. We will be here because we are responsible for what happens in our house, but you can have the lights off and the dancing and loud music but you can't keep us out.
Sweet 16: You suck! You're always going to bring that up aren't you. every time I do one thing wrong you're going to say "we paid a lot of money for that party and this is what you do in return".

Exit Sweet 16.

That's the drama so far, people. The party will take place on January 22nd. Further developments will be published as they occur.

Remember. We have another daughter who will be 16 in 2013...

Christmas and the year to come

y oh my, where does the time go? I have been so busy with Christmas that I've barely had the time to write anything. So far it's been an enjoyable Christmas and we've found some great family moments to enjoy with our new Wii games. I even played Super Mario for a while yesterday. We love the Beatles Rock Band game, though. Maybe the music doesn't quite have the same appeal to all, but it's fairly easy to learn and I like the vocal element. We recieved a gift certificate to Amazon so I've ordered Rock Band (for a different selection of songs) and also a dance game which we hope everyone will enjoy. DS has discovered quite a talent for drumming so perhaps he'll take it up for real one day.

This morning we had a real treat. DD1's Christmas gift to the family arrived. It was a large Edible Arrangement for us all to share. It was good! Chocolate-covered and plain cut fruits, all in a basket, like a bouquet of flowers. Everyone has enjoyed nibbling on it on and off all day. What a lovely and different gift.

We're planning another party for New Year's Day, as we have each year since January 2007. I'm looking forward to it and I'll no doubt be busy getting it all ready in a day or two.

In addition we're planning a big party for DD1's "Sweet Sixteen" in January. It wasn't really intended to be a huge party but we are going to have a hypnotist to entertain the kids - he's very popular with the teenagers and puts on a great show, apparently. He also lives locally and hopefully will be able to come whatever the weather. Unfortunately DD1 has big ideas about decorations and invitations which will far exceed our budget for this party, so it remains to be seen how that will work out, but we need to send the invitations early in the new year. Along with being about to turn 16 DD1 has certain expectations pertaining to her wishing to learn how to drive but if she wants a vehicle with a bow on it for her birthday, she'd better be looking for a Matchbox car!

2010 will bring several more changes and some will be quite drastic. Firstly, the pastor at our church is retiring at the end of January and because I am the church secretary, his leaving will affect me quite considerably. The interim replacement pastor will arrive on Feb 1st and then we'll find out whether or not we'll be able to work together. Also, it's possible that I'll become something of a grass-widow later in the year so I hope to find some new activities and interests and learn how to remain sane! More about all that at a later date.

I do hope to be visiting England again in 2010 but not sure exactly when - I'm hoping for the end of May and into June. It also turns out that an old friend is going to be appearing in a lead role in La Cage aux Folles on Broadway in 2010 and so some of us will try to go and see him. Quite exciting really because although I've seen him on television, I've never seen him in anything on stage since school! I guess my travel plans will also have to be worked around that.

DD2 and I have planned a February trip to a local theater to see the Cirque du Soleil show "Imagination" for a birthday treat. Not as expensive as a Broadway show, but it will be fun.

I'm rather looking forward to the new year. A new start, new beginnings, a new chapter in my life and I think that the changes will be refreshing.

Happy New Year!

A new address!

This blog has just moved from where it was to where it is now. Drop me a line in the comments box to say 'hi' so I know you've found me!

No talking here

How do parents know what their teenage daughter is "going through" when she doesn't talk to them?

Thanksgiving - whose tradition?

It's been over a week since my last entry, for which I can only offer the excuse that nothing of interest has happeend here beyond coughs, trips to the doctor and the usual mundane happenings that occur in a family home. This family's Thanksgiving, however, is not typical of what I've been led to believe happens in most normal American homes.

Being British, I never grew up with the Thanksgiving traditiion. I experienced my first Thanksgiving with DH during our first year together, when I was pregnant with DD1. We created our own traditional Thanksgiving dinner of roast turkey breast, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans with almonds, carrots and cranberry sauce, followed by apple or pumpkin pie. This is a meal we both enjoy and we do save it for just once a year. It takes a long time to prepare and a short time to eat but we've continued it as our family has grown. We seldom have company because we a) have no family within 3000 miles with whom to share the holiday and b) we presume that everyone else does. (I suppose that this is more typical nowadays than in the past with families becoming more and more separated by distance. For us it has been so for 17 years.)

The reality of our Thanksgiving now though, is that I often feel it's all a bit pointless without friends and family for whom to dress up and get out the best china. When the children were little, it became "wear what you like day" so we even had them in Halloween costumes one year, and they helped prepare the food and set the table and we watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on television all morning. Sadly, that happy phase didn't last long. Things change and kids grow up. The biggest cause for upset to me these days is the fact that DH and I are the only two of the five of us who have any interest in eating a Thanksgiving dinner.

Our three children have become unwilling participants. They don't have cousins to play and argue with, nor do they have doting aunts, uncles and grandparents to fuss over them and say "haven't you grown!". They have no need or desire to dress up, be on their best behaviour or to help with preparations and clean-up. Worst of all, they all hate the food! DD1 likes stuffing, mashed potato and pie. DS will eat stuffing, potato and possibly a single green bean or carrot and he will eat pie. DD2 likes egg nog. That's it. She doesn't like any part of the meal at all - not the meat, not the potatoes, not even the pie. Nothing. This so-called "fussy" or "picky" eating might have been dismissed as a phase when they were under 7 years old, but it's become ridiculous. DD1 is vegetarian, but at 15 puts only enough food on her plate to feed a healthy two-year-old. DS is not vegetarian but dislikes turkey. Of the three, he at least makes the effort to try to taste everything on the table. DD2 is a lost cause at this point. At 12 years old I doubt she's going to change but frankly I don't want to listen to her say the food is horrible and watch her eating a sandwich.

For me, the Thanksgiving meal should be like an English Christmas, without the presents. It should be a social, happy time and an occasion to eat good home-cooked food in good company. In reality, for me, it's just another day with extra work. Nothing to look forward to. I do it because DH and I enjoy the meal, but apart from DH taking charge of cooking the green beans, I do all the cleaning, shopping, preparation, cooking..... and then I get to spend another hour or more in the kitchen afterwards cleaning it all up again and wondering what to do with the leftovers! The kids would just as soon have pizza and watch cartoons or go on facebook.

No. Thankful as I am for the holiday, I don't like Thanksgiving.

An inkling of insight

There are times when I have wondered what it must be like to get old, but until recently, I've never had any real insight into what it must really be like. Last night I had a dream that my sister took my place at a reunion of sorts of some of my old friends. I was in a 'fly-on-the-wall' position so I looked enviously on, wishing I had been there. At some point I realised that as well as my friends, there were some of our relatives too and that was when I realised that this mythical reunion must have occurred several years ago because two of the relatives had been dead some time.

I woke up with a sense of unease, not at missing seeing my friends (in fact by then I couldn't even remember which friends they were) but at the realisation that so many of the adults I knew as a child are no longer around. It was at that moment that I realised that a stage of life I have yet to reach is that of being one of the oldest generation. I try to imagine how my grandma must have felt. From when she was born, the youngest of six, she was the baby of the family - and was happy to be so. She was close to her mother and really didn't want to leave home. In fact she and my grandad started married life living with her parents, and later moved to a house down the street. For the first forty years of her life it was thus. The war changed everything of course. They had to leave Walthamstow because of the bombing - her parents went one way and she went another with her children. More changes occurred in the next twenty years - she lost both her parents, her brother and her oldest sister, but she still had most of her contemporaries and was still the youngest in her generation. I suppose at that time, she too realised that all her parents' contemporaries were gone, but she still had her older sisters, husband, children and grandchildren.

Having always been the baby of the family and been well cared for, I wonder how she felt at being one of the oldest generation. Perhaps she didn't feel that she was that old. During the early 1980s her world was turned over when she lost her remaining sisters, her husband and elder daughter and it was at that point that suddenly she found herself with no-one to look up to, no-one who shared her memories and no-one of her own age. Surely that must be the hardest stage of life altogether.

Coughs and sneezes spread diseases

Never was a truer word said this year. I can't believe the amount of sickness that's around at the moment. My family doesn't usually succumb to everything that's doing the rounds, so this comes as a shock to all of us. Right now I have three children who have collectively suffered varying degrees of coughs, sneezes, fevers, aches and pains over the past ten days. Added to which, I have caught it all from them and have been coughing and aching and feeling unwell for the past four days. Altogether, they have spent 8 days at home, which would have been 10 but for there being two days that school was closed. It's not over yet though - DS will be home again tomorrow since he was sent home from school with a fever today. DD2 is making a good recovery and is already back in full school mode, albeit with a persistent cough. DD1 I'm still not sure about. It's wearing, but none of us seriously ill, and for that I am grateful.

Today I found out that it's possible to have swine flu without having a fever and without even knowing you have it - it affects people in different ways so for all I know, we've all got it. Or not. Who knows? The school nurse's office was full of sick children when I went to pick up DS and the doctors' offices are busy with suspected swine flu patients so I'm not running off for a diagnosis unless the situation becomes dire. I called about seasonal flu and swine flu vaccinations today and there are none to be had. Healthy kids aren't a priority and there's a shortage of vaccines. It doesn't bother me. If they have H1N1 and it isn't affecting them badly it'll help with their immunities. Let's hope.

Busy times

First things first. This is a favourite photograph of my mum and my grandma. It was taken in (I think) about 1979 when Mum was about the age I am now (!!) and Grandma was about 78. Mum died about seven years later, at 58. Today is and always will be Grandma's birthday. She was born on 4th November 1900 and died aged 90 on 15th April, 1991. It still doesn't seem that long ago. She was a huge and very important part of my life and she is still missed. Best grandma ever.

Yesterday I was suffering from a distinct lack of sleep, due to being awoken at 1am and being told that DD2 had a temp of 101F. She was fine - she slept and the fever had gone by morning, but I stayed awake the rest of the night having swine-flu nightmares. Yesterday was also parent-teacher conference today. In the event I did actually get to talk to DS's teachers, but it was a 'student-led' conference and we were there for well over an hour. At least I didn't have to wait outside the room for twenty minutes while the previous parent 'overran'.

Last Friday was DH's birthday, and DD2 baked him a cake from scratch, then made the icing (with sugar, butter, cream cheese, chocolate chips and heavy cream, no less) and then decorated it.



The only problem was that she didn't really like the cream cheese icing and I ate far more of that delicious cake than I should have!

Saturday of course, was Halloween, and I spent all day helping DD2 make her costume - also from scratch. She had a good idea but no idea how to execute it. We borrowed two hula hoops because at this time of year we couldn't find any to buy (they are probably thought of as summer toys). We had some leftover vinyl fabric so I used it to make her a bag for her candy. Contrary to what some may believe, Halloween costumes in America are not required to be spooky, creepy, scary or gruesome. It's all just what we British call 'fancy dress' - anything goes. So here are the three Halloween costumes for 2009.

This is an American high-school student's idea of dressing like a schoolgirl. When I pointed out that she is a school girl, she said 'not in a uniform'. So there you are.



This is the one we spent all day making, and which has now been taken apart because the hula hoops had to be returned.



Finally, DS wanted to be Zorro - which was great, except that most people didnt seem to know who Zorro was! We purchased the hat and sword, we already had the mask and cloak (to which I added reflective tape for running about in the dark) and I bought new black trousers and a black shirt, thereby adding to his winter wardrobe at the same time.



The weather was quite warm on Halloween night although the rain came during the evening, causing it to come to an end earlier than it might have, given that it was a Saturday. Unfortunately, when DS got up the next day, complaining that his eye hurt, we found that a tick had embedded itself in his lower eyelid, among the eyelashes. It was a nasty and painful experience getting that removed. It was a small tick and so now we have to hope the poor kid doesn't get Lyme disease.

In addition to all of the above, I've been working on my window hanging. I really have been doing it all the wrong way roound, but since I've been making it up as I go along, and buying fabric as needed, it's somewhat without plan or design. I'll post a picture when it's finished. While I've been sewing and cutting, I've been watching 'Kingdom' (the first series) and 'Doc Martin' (the first series) on Hulu. Then I found out that only the first series of each is on Hulu and so with only one episode of each left to watch, I'm bereft. I'll have to get some more dvd's I suppose.

The other bit of news is that I've downloaded Skype to my computer and had my first face-to-face Skype conversation with a friend in England on Sunday. That was fun.

A Wet October Wednesday

My life has changed. It's been gradual, but it's been changing over the past year from the way it was for the five or so years before that. I'm coming to the realisation that I've entered another phase of my life. The change hasn't been drastic or dramatic and no-one outside my own head (or you who read my blog) will even have noticed, but it has happened nonetheless. My life has changed because I find I am spending more time alone than I was a year or so ago - not through my own fault, but through changed circumstances. My self-confidence has taken a blow so I find it harder to talk to people and that in turn leaves me at a loss as to where to go next.

The greatest enemy to a bright future is to mourn the past and so while I might learn from my mistakes, I cannot allow myself to say "life was better when...", so I won't. My life is good right now and I'm not going to worry about whether or not it will be good next week or next year; I'm just going to make the most of now. Right now I have a comfortable home, time and resources to pursue my interests, I have family, friends and pets to love and I have reasonably good health. How dare I wish for more than that?

Right now I am in need of a friend to go out with for a day.

October Snow

It's looking rather nice out there this morning. The snow is falling gently, the air is cool and damp and all this will be gone by lunchtime. If you've seen my autumn photos before, you might notice the absence of the usual red and orange and then you might notice that the double-trunked tree in the foreground is bereft of leaves and this is because, sadly, the tree didn't bloom this year. I had mixed feelings about it because all summer long I enjoyed being able to see across the yard without peering through foliage, but now that it's Fall, I find myself missing the blaze of glorious color that this tree used to give us. I think we will leave it in place a year or two to see if it revives, but I fear it's given its last.

Life in the house is less stressful at present, so we are sailing along on a pretty even keel. This week I decided to learn how to 'mail merge' my Christmas card envelopes but I had to start by typing all my addresses into 'Entourage'. Having been a Mac user for several years and a Microsoft user only through necessity, I had never used Entourage and was surprised how similar it looks to the MobileMe homepage so it was easy. I haven't actually merged the mail yet, but I will do, soon. Last year I sent out very few cards at Christmas, and tried to send out letters afterwards. Even so I didn't get out as many letters as I wanted to and it was sometime in August when I finally removed the basket of still-unanswered letters from my desk. I am determined to have all my Christmas correspondence ready to be mailed by Thanksgiving this year and to avoid all the usual stress of doing everything at the same time as everybody else. There must be a way to get it all done AND to enjoy the festivities. Mind you, it makes me shudder to have to spend $70 on postage to send all the cards to the UK.

Now that we've seen the first snow, I have to decide on whether I should splurge on a new winter coat. I haven't had a proper winter coat in years because I was gaining weight and didn't want to waste money on a good coat that (hopefully) would soon be too big for me. I've lost 34lbs since this time last year, but that really isn't good enough for a new coat. I have, however, got a new hairstyle. I asked John at Scizzors to "modernize me"and so he did. It's shortish at the back, a bit longer at the front and to boot I've added a bright pink hair extension at the front in support of the National Breast Cancer Foundation. I've had it admired and I've seen a few people do a double take. I think it's a great idea because every cent of the $10 I paid for it will go to the cause and, to be honest, I'm tired of all the Susan G Komen pinkery everywhere. There can't be many right-minded people that think that having a pink mixer is doing much to support breast-cancer research, can there? For the $80 you might spend on this mixer, $7 goes to the cause. I think my $10 hair extension is better value.

Now and then

This week I've had a conversation with DS's teachers and next week I'm seeing DD2's teachers. Things are looking up on the school front and I hope we won't be having any more major upsets. I am left puzzled, though by the concept of 'student-led' conferences which this year are taking the place of the traditional parent-teacher conference at the middle school. By the time conference day rolls around I hope we will already have resolved our problems, but supposing I had decided to wait until the day to air my concerns and then discovered there was no opportunity to speak with the teachers in confidence? I'm not sure what this is all about except I'm sure it makes for an easier conference for the teachers.

This week and next are both four-day weeks for the kids, which means two extra sleep-ins for me. I made good headway with the housework yesterday, but this morning I have to go to the dentist to get my new crown fitted. I fear my teeth are not in good shape. I counted them the other day and I only have 27 teeth and now four of them are crowned. I wish I could prevent any more of them from going the same way. Root canals and crowns are very expensive.

I'm making some jewellery as Christmas gifts this year. I've bought some semi-precious stone beads and started making something the other day, but I've realised that a necklace made just with those beads can be quite heavy on the neck, so I'm going to buy some smaller, lightweight beads to put with them and then try again. Hopefully if I finish my chores today, I'll have time to work on that tomorrow.

I let my Ancestry subscription expire this week in order to save some money and to prevent myself from getting too deeply involved in the family history. I do find that when I'm working on it, I become more stressed with trying to keep it organised and with all the information buzzing around in my head. I fret over who was doing what, when and with whom 150 years ago and all the problems that need solving in order to piece together the puzzle occupy my thoughts night and day. I think that what I really need to do is do it for a month at a time during the quieter times of the year, and then put it away for a while to regroup and remind myself that I live in the 21st century, not the 19th! I don't think I'll be working on it again until the new year now.

I'm excited that on Saturday we are going to a local theatre to see Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull. Apparently Ian Anderson is the only original member of JT - but then again, who even knew any of the rest of them? Jethro Tull's appeal for me has always been Ian Anderson's voice and the haunting highlights of his flute, so what does it matter? I hope they play some of the old songs but it will be nice to hear new material too. I expect the audience will be filled with middle-aged and aging hippies - I wonder what they'll all be wearing? If I'd gone to a JT concert in my youth I'd have worn a maxi dress, platform shoes, a 12-foot long scarf and glitter in my hair. Perhaps not this time though... I never thought we'd all get old and be going to see old performers. In fact, often the old performers' voices don't hold up so well, but I'm hoping. Ian Anderson: my generation's Bing Crosby*. Actually, I should have said Russ Conway, my mum's favourite popular pianist, but I doubt you've heard of him and I don't have a Russ Conway joke. :)


*(Scottish joke: Q - What's the difference between Walt Disney and Bing Crosby? A - Bing sings but Walt dis nae.)

Education

I've been trying not to say anything about this but it's come to a head in this household. What are the schools doing to our children? Specifically, my children?

Sadly none of them are in Elementary school any more and I can't home-school them. The school day is long, and starts early. The high school begins its classes at 7.30am - that's the time I used to crawl out of bed on a school day back in the 1970's. DD1 leaves home an hour before that to catch the school bus and arrives at school thirty minutes before classes start. (I walked for 20-25 minutes and arrived at school at 8.45.) DD2 and DS are in middle school and they start half an hour after the high school, but leave an hour after DD1 because the schools are nearer and the bus comes later. They arrive home half an hour after DD1 in the afternoon so all three are home again by 3pm. I walked home and arrived just after 4pm if I went straight home, but often I was sidetracked with friends. The school day is so different. Even at secondary school we had a 15-minute break mid-morning and over an hour for lunch (so lots of free time to eat and hang out with friends). My children get about 10 minutes to eat lunch and the middle school's so-called recess lasts about five or ten minutes immediately following that. So times have changed and I'm in another country and it is what it is and I can't change it.

The school times are a contributing factor to the problems on the domestic front because none of us like to get up early in the morning, but another burden upon us all is homework. After a day of being cooped up in school, and sitting on a bus, instead of being free as a bird to play and relax, they have to do their homework. Experience has taught me and them that if they don't get started on it within an hour of arriving home, it won't get done before dinner and if isn't, it can take up the whole evening with the children just wanting to relax and go to bed.

Then there is the quality and quantity of the work, the texts and in some cases, the teaching. I think that's the most frustrating aspect. No education system is perfect. Teachers are bound by district and state requirements and guidelines (mandates), and making sure their students get good results in state tests. They can't teach what they want, when they want or how they want because presumed professionalism went out the window twenty years ago (perhaps longer in the US) and apparently teachers nowadays can't be trusted to know what's best or appropriate for the students in front of them. I know that. But is any of that right? Is one-size-fits-all really better for our children, just to ensure that all children get the exact same education? I really don't think so.

The children in our schools are deprived of certain valuable learning experiences – what we used to call "lessons". (See? the jargon is so much a part of everyday speech that I didn't even notice it.) Yes, the world is continually changing, but actually, the education a child needs for life hasn't changed all that much. What's important, especially for the under-13's, is an opportunity to breathe, to grow, to learn independence and the skills that will carry them safely from A to B. By they time they are 13 they should be ready for some serious academic learning to keep them out of trouble. OK, so that's generalizing. But isn't that what the schools are doing?

Fund Raisers - arrgghh!!

It's that time of year again and once again the dreaded fundraisers have come around. The schools are pushing Entertainment coupon books with pies and magazines in the near future (ds) and the Girl Scouts are hawking nuts and magazines (dd2). Meanwhile we have to pay a $100 participation fee to the High School to allow dd1 to be in the musical and $50 to the middle school to allow dd2 to be in the 'select' choir. All this comes only weeks after spending $200 on supplies for three children, new outfits for the first day back (kept to a minimum) and $300+ on ballet classes for dd1. Oh yes... we also had school photos in the first month of school. In a few short weeks it will be Christmas and even more expense. This time of year is hectic enough without all this.

I dislike the selling-for-reward type of fundraising and would like to know what the kids actually learn from this. Even the Girl Scouts! I was a Brownie, Guide and Ranger (at odd times, not continuously) in England and fund-raising of this sort was something we never did with the exception of collecting or raising money for a charity. When dd1 wanted to join the Girl Scout Cadettes I thought it would be worthwhile and she would learn some useful skills and have some fun, but after the first meeting she comes home with fund-raisers! She couldn't even tell me what they were raising money for, but said something about money for a trip to Disneyworld (where are the frowny-smileys when you want them?).

I hate to be one of those "in my day..." people, but I thought Girl Scouts was about learning useful skills, service to the community, becoming self-sufficient, and being helpful. Apparently not. Apparently they are as self-serving as the rest of them. So far, I am not impressed.

Laugh? I wish I could

I think I've lost the ability to laugh. I hate to dwell on what I used to be and what it was like in my family of Mum, Dad, my sister and me, but while I remember that there were fights and arguments I also remember that there were as many - if not more - times when we laughed and had fun together. I don't know why I can't recreate that in my own family today. I really don't.

Let me see. When we were on long car trips we all used to sing - mum, dad and us. We sang mostly songs that we all knew and sometimes my sister and I would sing songs learned at school. We didn't sing all the time though because sometimes my sister suffered from travel-sickness which was most unpleasant and was the cause of many a loud complaint from me. We also used to kneel up on the back seat of the car and wave to the driver of the car behind us. We laughed and waved more when they waved back and grinned cheekily if they didn't, calling them a "mouldy old mop" or something like that. In the present day, though, when we are on long car trips, the radio has to be loudly tuned to NPR which has lots of talk that only my husband wants to hear and there's not even a chance to get lost in one's own thoughts, never mind sing songs and tell stories together. The kids are in the back plugged into iPods and DVD players anyway, so the goal (apparently) is to keep everyone quiet and occupied until we get there. Not much fun though, is it.

At home, when little things went wrong, I remember, we might have made a joke of it to make someone feel better, or we'd try to see the funny side. A power failure became an adventure of blankets and torches (flashlights) and picnics in the living room. Nothing (as far as I can remember) was turned into a big disaster unless it was one, and then we'd try to do our best to find something positive to say to raise our spirits. All too often in my home today, arguments escalate, people take things too seriously and dramas soon become crises even if they don't have to be. I even get told I'm not funny when I try to make light of things. These are my children and husband aren't they? So why don't I feel as if I fit in here?

I used to laugh a lot. My mother laughed a lot and my grandma laughed through her whole life. I can't think of either of them without seeing the smiles on their faces and hearing their laughter yet they both suffered tragedy and hardship in their lives and they both had days when they would get angry or upset. The overwhelming memory though is a happy one. My sister still laughs a lot but I often feel depressed and helpless and alone in my own home. I want to be able to tell a funny story and have someone laugh and I want to reciprocate. To be fair it does happen sometimes with the kids so I'm not saying we never laugh because we do. I just wish there was more that we could laugh at together. The one and only time we all laughed at the same thing was when we went to see Blue Man Group. I'll never forget looking along the row at my family and seeing them all laugh together. It's something I'd like to see happen again.

What am I doing wrong? Why am I incapable of turning my home into the warm and happy place I'd like it to be? What am I missing?

Catching up again

Where the heck does the time go at this time of year? One minute it's summer and I'm thinking I have this long strech of time ahead of me to catch up on the little things and suddenly it's practically October (well, next week) and there's Christmas stationery in Staples!

My cousin was over from the UK last week, spending a few days here before heading to the big apple and thence to the nation's capital. We managed to do quite well with a mixture of being at home, meeting friends and sight-seeing*. She arrived Wednesday afternoon and we arrived home a little while after the kids got home from school. They were full of news and were reluctant to get on with homework with a visitor in the house. Later on sunny boy had a soccer practice, after which we sat down for dinner.

Thursday I took Cathy to Old Sturbridge Village where we spent a few hours in the 1830s. This isn't an unusual experience for me because of all the family history I study, but it did make me wonder how the rural New England family of the 1830s would compare with their English counterparts. Later we ran an errand or two and then went home for tacos.

Friday I had a few friends over for coffee - it was nice to reinstate the old coffee mornings, although I won't be doing them monthly any more. We had some much needed laughs and it was good to catch up on some of the neighbors. Later I took Cathy to the Artemas Ward House for more 18th and 19th century experiences and in the evening we went out to our favourite restaurant for dinner.

Not an exciting read, I'm afraid, but we had a very pleasant time.

Janice is easily distracted

So said my school report when I was about ten years old and it's still true at 52. I can always find something more interesting and absorbing to do when I ought to be doing something else. I would be a terrible self-employer because I'd always find something else to do, rather than what must be done. Having said that, though, if I have a deadline to meet I will meet it. The only time I have ever failed to meet a deadline was in 1976 when I was a student teacher and had to plan a day's lessons (out of my head) and suffered a mental block of gigantic proportions. I went into school that day, burst into tears and told the class teacher that I had nothing planned because I couldn't think of anything! Why, I don't know. It was a simple English grammar lesson for a class of 8 year olds, and I had the rest of the day's lessons planned. It never happened again - I became a master of 'door-handle' lessons* over the course of my career - and let's face it - all teachers have to be able to do that.

So today, I am distracted by the weather (it's pouring with rain) and genealogy. I wasn't going to search for dead ancestors today, but a bit of new information led from one thing to another and so it goes. I should be cleaning the house and doing laundry (is it any wonder I'm distracted?) because I know I don't have much time to get it all done before my cousin arrives on Wednesday afternoon. I also know that I will get it done so I'm not too worried at this point.

Distractions are what makes life interesting and frustrating at the same time and there are times when I have to be firm with myself and do one thing at a time before moving on to another. Multi-tasking is a myth in my world. I can only do one thing at a time and until that one thing is done, it's just one of a thousand unfinished things that fill my head and prevent me from sleeping at night. So now I'm going off to do one thing and then strike it off my list.

* door-handle lesson: A lesson planned as one opens the door to the classroom, and taught as soon as one enters the room.

Who needs happy pills?

I have always been reluctant to reach for the medicine cupboard when something is wrong and it's usually the last thing I think of if I have a headache or a cold. Usually the pain and discomfort of minor illness disappears of its own accord in a few days, so I don't think of medication unless it becomes unbearable. However, I'm beginning to understand why people might become addicted to anti-depressants - I've never taken any but there are times when I do wonder if taking a pill would lift me out of whatever it is that makes me feel unhappy. It wouldn't deal with the cause though, so I'm not sure that the short-term relief that comes from a drug would ultimately help.

Do I really need help of that kind? Would therapy help? Let's face it, the power to be happy does lie within, whether we like it or not. I can't keep blaming people around me for upsetting my apple cart, no matter what they say or do (or not), so I must be responsible for the way I respond to them.

I fear I am becoming the grumpy old woman I never wanted to be. I have been changing over the past 17 years and I'm now a very different person. I think it's a result of increasing age and responsibility combined with fewer causes to smile and laugh the way I'd like. I've lost a good bit of my wit and ability to make people laugh and I've become more serious and less confident in myself.

I've started getting worked up over matters over which I have no control, and then hiding away in my thoughts and preoccupations to the exclusion of others, just because the reality is too hard to take. I had a dear friend many years ago who was popular, fun to be with and appeared to be happy, but inside was depressed and frightened and full of self-doubt. Perhaps that applies to more people than we realise. What we see of people is often just an illusion. We see what people want us to see. I just find it hard to hide my true feelings.

If there's one thing that is guaranteed to raise a smile for me, it's my ten-year-old son. Thankfully he's still at the stage where he comes to me several times a day for a hug and to chat about what he's been up to and he always makes me laugh with his jokes and antics. That's got to be better than pills and therapy!

Back to school

It's day three of 'back to school' and the kids are still getting up on time and making the bus without effort. Thank goodness for light mornings. So far not too many complaints about teachers, homework or classmates, so they might just be willing to return after Labor Day.

The house, sadly, has been lacking its summer routine of Wednesday cleaning for the past fortnight. Last Wednesday we went to Water Country as our last hurrah of the summer and I never quite got finished after that. This week, despite the children's great start to the school year, I have been suffering from insomnia. I had a semi-sleepless night on Saturday, a night completely without sleep on Monday and another difficult night on Tuesday. Fortunately, last night I slept like the proverbial log and feel ready to tackle the house today. I have to go to WW at 10 (although I could go at 12:30 instead) but with the kids gone so early in the day (by 7:30am) I can start earlier and get much of it done before noon.

Last night I spent an hour and a half covering six school text books (why I buy those 'Book Sox' I don't know, because the school won't allow them). They want the books covered in brown paper grocery bags. Since I use my own bags at the store, I never get their bags and I don't feel I can just grab a handful to take with me, so I bought a huge roll of brown 'Kraft paper' and used that for the books. It worked pretty well, too, I must say, and looked a lot neater.

The cat is keeping us entertained with his antics. Lucy spends much of the time either following the cat, trying to reach his food or trying to escape from him. I had to give Jasper a 'time out' yesterday because Lucy was starting to look very tired of having the cat jump on her. She was pleased to see him when he was released though and by the middle of the evening they were both curled up asleep in Lucy's bed. Having a cat has made this a much livelier place during the day while the kids are at school, which is nice.

Online presence

I've had a glass of Merlot and it's gone straight to my head. I'm glad it has that effect on me because it means that I don't usually drink too much.

I've been thinking a bit about my 'presence' on the internet. At times I might have been a little indiscreet in my remarks - especially in the early days if my online activities, eight or nine years ago, but I don't think I've ever posted anything that would destroy my reputation and good standing in the real world, or that of my family. I am so glad I'm not a teenager or college student because in my less guarded moments 35 years ago, I might easily have been seen in some awkward circumstances.

I'm sure there are many now who regret their online presence, when an unfortunate video, photo or posted comment has cost them their job, and perhaps I'm naive in thinking that I'm safe from that with my written ramblings. Who knows who's out there and who knows what they might do? I can't imagine that a teenager with 500-odd 'friends' on Facebook can truly know and trust all of them. Can the teenager even really trust her/himself?

I started by saying I'd drunk a glass of wine and feeling it. However, I'm not worried that someone's posting inappropriate photos of me. Might that have been so, 30 years ago? I'd like to think not. Thankfully I'll never know and I hope that my children will be more careful than I ever had to be.

Picture time!

Here are some long-awaited photos of the new carpet which was fitted and laid at the end of June. It goes in the hallway, stairs, and living room.

Now here are the cat and dog pictures!

A new member of the family

Today we adopted a brand new furry four-legged friend. We now have a black and white eight-week-old kitten named Jasper. More to follow when I have a photo.

The Health Care Debate

First I admit I didn't take the time to go to the local meetings the other week to show my support for the Health Care Bill but I wish I had. I'm stunned at the fuss and hot air that's being created at the meetings all over the country. I'm impressed that Obama and his supporters are meeting the attackers head on and responding with reason and truth.

The stories that are being bandied about remind me of First World War propaganda put out in England about the evil Hun killing babies and raping women. It's ridiculous to suggest for a second that a national health care program will mean euthanasia for the sick and elderly! I can't believe I even have to write it and I bet Obama can't believe he has to mention it either. I so admire that man for keeping his cool and responding respectfully and intelligently to the wild accusations and utter utter nonsense that some people are spouting. (At the very least I'd be rolling my eyes!)

So let me tell the world that I am for it. But first it must be said that no health care plan is perfect. (In fact the only perfect state to be in is to be extremely wealthy, not need insurance and to be able to go to any doctor or hospital in the world for all and any treatment you may need, and not have to worry about the cost.) Realistically, most of us reaidng blogs on the internet have modest incomes, modest lifestyles and we pay our insurance in the hope that when we really need it, the insurance companies will thank us for our loyalty and regular payments by covering the cost of treatments we need to make us well. But as we have heard all too often, this is simply not what happens. The reality is that the cap which insurance companies apply for our medical treatment might be adequate for the broken arms, tonsillectomies, short-term hospital stays and routine prescriptions required for a family in moderate health, but falls far far short when someone has cancer for the second or third time, or has the misfortune to find themselves paraplegic or worse. At the very least, this proposed plan aims to remove the fear which all Americans must have, of being abandoned by their insurance company in their hour of greatest need.

It is my belief that there should be a law made, equivalent to an added amendment to the Bill of Rights: All citizens have an indisputable and equal right to high quality, effective health care. Or however you want to word it. While no-one can dispute that America has the best medical facilities and treatments available anywhere in the world, not everyone can make use of them, because their insurance cannot or will not cover the expense, or because they have minimal or no insurance at all and simply cannot afford to pay for treatment. Why is this even being disputed? Who thinks this is fair?

I'm sorry to say that many people apparently don't care about the poor and needy, and that's partly because they don't imagine themselves in that position. Why should sick people have to depend on charity? Why shouldn't the richest country on Earth share the wealth with its poor? All too often the poor and needy didn't start off that way either - sometimes they're people just like you and me who suddenly find themselves having to spend more and more money on medical expenses to the point where they lose their homes. Don't we care about them either?

Look at this... Take each item one point at a time and think carefully about how this might affect you and your family in both good times and bad. Then if you still think it's a bad thing, tell me why.

THE SECURITY YOU GET from health insurance reform:

• No Discrimination for Pre-Existing Conditions
• Insurance companies will be prohibited from refusing you coverage because of your medical history.
• No Exorbitant Out-of-Pocket Expenses, Deductibles or Co-Pays
• Insurance companies will have to abide by yearly caps on how much they can charge for out-of-pocket expenses.
• No Cost-Sharing for Preventive Care
• Insurance companies must fully cover, without charge, regular checkups and tests that help you prevent illness, such as mammograms or eye and foot exams for diabetics.
• No Dropping of Coverage for Seriously Ill
• Insurance companies will be prohibited from dropping or watering down insurance coverage for those who become seriously ill.
• No Gender Discrimination
• Insurance companies will be prohibited from charging you more because of your gender.
• No Annual or Lifetime Caps on Coverage
• Insurance companies will be prevented from placing annual or lifetime caps on the coverage you receive.
• Extended Coverage for Young Adults
• Children would continue to be eligible for family coverage through the age of 26.
• Guaranteed Insurance Renewal
• Insurance companies will be required to renew any policy as long as the policyholder pays their premium in full. Insurance companies won't be allowed to refuse renewal because someone became sick.

]http://www.whitehouse.gov/health-insurance-consumer-protections/

Diets and change

Last night I did a little tweaking here and changed the look of my blog. I'm not really inspired by the available themes but I don't feel like paying and I can't be bothered to figure out hos to do my own.

So yesterday I decided that I needed to take myself in hand once again and put myself back on the straight and narrow path leading to freedom from fat. Oh yes. Over many years of being overweight, losing it, gaining it back and worse, I've made some observations about myself.

1. That without fail, if I lose weight and regain it, I will always end up heavier than when I started.
2. Carbohydrates are easy to grab, easy to eat, are not as filling as they ought to be and leave me wanting more. Carbohydrates are not my friends.
3. Weighing and measuring food is tedious and leads me to become frustrated that it takes so long because I am hungry.
   
4. Having to watch what I eat means I have to remember that I am watching what I eat which in turn means I have to think about food more and in the end makes me want to eat!

I am sure I can think of more observations but I've probably demonstrated that I am not a happy Weight Watcher.

I'm past caring about people who can eat and never gain weight, or those who are too successful in their weight loss to be human. I'm also past wondering why I was born to be fat and how life isn't fair because there are worse things than being prone to obesity and all those are things that brought me down when I was younger. Right now, this minute, I am only interested in eating better for health.

At 52 I'm not aiming for the swimsuit show, the fashion show or any other kind of show; I'm aiming to keep my arteries open, my heart pumping and my knees from hurting. At my age, when I lose weight, I gain wrinkles. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT KEEPING THE WEIGHT DOWN WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG, PEOPLE!! I fear that my youthful looks will disappear and I'll start looking like a hag.

Hmm... Well the best I can hope for is good health and who cares what the hell I look like as long as I'm clean, tidy and well-dressed. I'm also practicing my smile. Seriously. When life was getting me down a few years ago I decided there was no use going around looking as miserable as I felt because no-one would want to talk to me, so I put on a permanent little smile, hoping that I was showing a pleasant face. I have no idea whether it worked or if I just scared people off looking half-demented, but in the end, the effort of keeping that little smile on my face paid off, because life didn't seem nearly so bad, and stretching that smile when greeting a friend was no effort at all. So recently I've been doing it again.

The early months of this year (excluding the highlight of my trip to England) were very difficult for me emotionally. I can't go into details here, but I was a complete emotional wreck with my self-esteem at an all-time low. Over the summer I've gradually been coming to and getting back to feeling like my old self again. The smiling exercise is helping, and hopefully, getting back on track with more controlled eating will help me too.

On matters of church

It's been a long while but I've finally relaxed this summer. Despite being busy, the change in pace and weeks without homework, carpooling and extra-curricular activities has allowed me time to focus on the home and getting things settled and organised. This time next month my cousin is coming to visit from England for a couple of days, so my next project is to get the guest room in order.

We are faced, in this family, with a moral dilemma of sorts. I work as a church secretary which means I am more involved than I might otherwise be in matters of the church. Not that I have an important role but I do find myself involved in discussions about declining Sunday school attendance and how we can overcome the mounting problems of an ever-shrinking membership. On the other hand, I am personally tired of it all. During services my mind wanders, as it always has, except during the sermons (our pastor delivers particularly engaging sermons which is one reason we are still there I think). When my children ask me what's the point in Sunday school, I no longer know what to tell them - the curriculum jumps around and the content of lessons sometimes does and often doesn't hold their interest. I can't remember the last time any of them came home with a smile and a story to tell. Sunday School and church are a torture to be endured as far as they are concerned. We have decided that for now we aren't going to make them go any more; a decision which has not been met favourably by the pastor.

In my mind I compare my own experience with that of my kids. There are several things lacking in their experience that I had:

• I grew up in a large, young and lively congregation
• I had many friends my own age within that congregation
• Once I was old enough to stay home alone, I was given the choice as to whether or not I went to church/Sunday school, no pressure and no questions asked
• Our congregation enjoyed a lot of big social events in which we all participated

These elements made the idea of church very positive for me. All that, coupled with the fact that these were the "Godspell", "Jesus Christ Superstar" and "Joseph and the Amazing Tehcnicolour Dreamcoat" years when young Christians were akin to hippies and flat-soled sandals were called "Jesus boots", meant that I not only had friends who went to church, but that it was "cool" to be a Christian. The only problem was that as we did all these "cool" things, like going to Christian rock concerts and sleeping overnight in the cathedral, always the message was that we should be able to "feel the Holy Spirit" and "feel Jesus within us". I realised at some point that try as I might, and much as I wished it, I was feeling nothing. At first I thought it was because I wasn't "good enough" so I tried to do better, but still I felt nothing. I prayed for Jesus to "enter my heart" but still nothing. What was supposed to happen? I don't know but I read a lot of stories about people who had been "saved" and how they felt an overwhelming sense of joy, peace, calm or some other warm feeling where I was feeling.... nothing at all.

By the time I was ready to leave home to go to college I had decided that this was never going to happen to me and that I was only actually going to church for the social life. I was seeing my friends at other times anyway so it was all a bit pointless to me. However, having been given the choice and the freedom to choose, it did mean (and still does) that I choose to return to the fold of the church at times in my life when it has felt right to do so. I've grown to realise that where some people really do have a strong faith and do believe that church is a place of renewal and growth, perhaps others might feel as I do, but since I have never been able to admit my feelings to other people at church, I don't know if that is true. Faith is not supposed to be about what one can get out of it, or a crutch to lean on in hard times, is it? If not though, why do people follow it, and why don't I feel what they feel?

Since as a teenager I never managed to reach that particular state of serenity that would make me feel that I could truthfully call myself "Christian", the best way I can describe myself is "agnostic". I wouldn't go so far as to say "atheist" because I've seen too much evidence of people with real faith, whose eyes are alight with joy and peace and because my own mother was a woman of deep and enduring faith. But because I can't feel it myself, despite repeating the mantras of Christianity, I don't even dare to call myself a Christian. I am not worthy.

I feel chastised by the pastor of my church because I told him we don't intend to make our children go to Sunday School this year. He told me he didn't feel it was in their best interests not to be made to go. I disagree. It's either time to go to a new church (but are there any that meet the high standards of that church of the 60's and 70's of which I have such happy memories?) or to go to none at all and let each of us find our own faith in our own way. Not an easy choice, but I strongly and firmly believe that as a family we (and I) need breathing space.

Summer time

It's been almost a month since my last post, for which I apologise. I've been through some difficult and trying times over the past couple of months and really haven't felt like blogging but life is looking up now and I'm ready to roll.

We are into the fourth week (yes, fourth already!) of the schools' summer vacation and I'm as busy as ever. I've given up my church job to DD1 for the summer which means I can spend more time at home with the other two.

The first vacation week was spent having the new carpet installed in the living room, stairs and hallways and then putting things back in place. My goal was to avoid putting everything back just as it was - the new paint and carpet really begged for a more minimalist look which I have achieved. I just need to get the junk and clutter out of the guest bedroom. We are getting there, slowly but surely...

The second vacation week was equally busy - this time with four days (evenings) of Vacation Bible School. It's always hard work but usually worth it. I've already said I won't be doing it again but DD2 and DS have asked me to do it. We'll see. They'll both be a year older next year and maybe not so enthusiastic. I'm glad we did it even though the first evening was a mess. Also that week I began my new summer regime of preserving two days a week upon which I'm not expected to run a taxi service and one day per week to be TV-free (which also means no Wii either). It went very well, I must say, resulting in a more efficient and more relaxed mother.

Week three was the first week when we were able to follow the new schedule without interruption. My busiest driving days are Tuesday and Thursday. Wednesday is Cleaning Day, No TV/Wii Day and a No Driving day. This resulted in a very productive day of housework, after which we all rejoiced in the house being the cleanest it's been in a very long time. We rewarded our hard work with a delivery of Papa Gino's pizza. I find that scheduling certain chores is helpful in making sure everything is done but what isn't completed on that day isn't necessarily going to be done! So. Monday is grocery shopping day and Thursday is laundry day. Having accomplished everything, and Friday being the first fine day all week, I took DD2 and DS to Southwick's Zoo for the day.

The zoo visit was really fun. Neither of the kids remembered what it was like to go to a zoo. Even though we took DD1 often when she was very young, the other two had no memory of it. They enjoyed every bit of the day, and I enjoyed their company. We hope to be able have another outing soon.

The end of the rainbow

Several years ago when my eldest daughter was only six or seven years old, I painted her room with a pastel rainbow arcing from one end of the room to the other. She was only to occupy this room for a couple of years before her younger brother moved in and she moved into another room which she shared with her sister. When he was little, he didn't take much notice of the rainbow but by the time he was seven he started asking me to remove it or cover it up. Well now he is ten and the job is finally done.

We thought we'd paint it one dark shade of blue, but the test patch we did showed us it was far too dark. It was decided that we'd have stripes instead, so I measured the wall and planned the design on the computer, then taped up the stripes on the wall. (I did it properly with a plumb line - I was so pleased with myself.)


The next image shows the whole wall, complete with the dark patch of test paint - which proved hard to cover up. The room is small and this, the long wall, is ten feet long.


I chose three shades of blue to paint the stripes, and started with the darkest. This is how it looked after the first coat of paint.

Clearly it was going to take more paint, but I wanted to do more stripes before starting on second coats. So I added in the medium shade of blue.


Then, two more coats of paint on each of those colours later, I was ready to remove the tape.



The hardest part proved to be filling in the remaining spaces with the last colour - a light blue that was a close match to the paint used in the rest of the room. However, I am pleased with the end result and besides a little touch-up work still to be done, I'm pleased with the result overall.

We aren't ready to post a final picture showing the room put back together but I think it'll look good.

Twittestalking

I'm sure there's a twitterword for twitterstalking, but I don't know what it is. Twitterstalking is where people follow people just because they're curious. It doesn't include following celebrities - many of them are there self-promoting and sucking up the attention, knowing that the adoring fans will hang on their every word and directmessage them in the hopes of getting a reply. Twitterstalking is more like lurking a

Dead goldfish aside....

We had a FAB time in England last month. I can't tell you how much I enjoy going back to my homeland - perhaps going there on holiday is better than living there because I certainly couldn't afford to spend money like that all the time! I haven't had the opportunity to seriously consider going back there to live permanently, and I wonder how much I really want to. There are aspects of life in the USA that I would really miss and there are things in the UK that I would find frustrating I am sure. One day, if the matter arises, I'll sit down and thrash out the pros and cons of a return to England. The photos are posted here, together with Prom pictures.

Since that time, domestic life has consisted of the usual dramas and non-dramas associated with an ordinary family. On a personal level, it's been a month of scattered showers with sunny intervals, which is probably as it should be. I could have done without the massive storm in the middle, but all in all, life goes on and we go along with it, come what may.

One week later

A week after returning from London, I've come back to earth and fallen back into the old routines of family life.

The days I spent in London with my two youngest children were full of fun and adventure in the mildest, yet most pleasant sense. Suffice it to say that we saw most of the important sights and enjoyed many of the activities that London has to offer.

For me, the best parts were meeting up with my friends and relations and enjoying all the activities in good company. I am so grateful that so many wanted to take the time and effort to travel to London to see us - it's my old friends and family that I miss the most when I'm back in America. However, a week later, I'm comforted by the fact that I'm extremely fortunate to have some very good friends here too and that they, too, were pleased to see me on my return.

Obituary

Freddy the Fish, 1998-2009

At the age of eleven years, Freddy the Fish met his ultimate end at 5pm on Monday April 27th, 2009, following a short illness.

Freddy started life as a party favor, given to our daughter on her friend's 4th birthday on April 21st, 1998. He led a round and active life, uncomplainingly embracing the full sphere of his aqueous environment. His friend, the Little Mermaid, abandoned him when he was three, but a new friend, the little green turtle stayed with him until the end. He chose the little green turtle's back as his final resting place, where he lay on one side and breathed his last.

Freddy will be missed by all that knew him, fed him and changed his water.

RIP

Off we jolly well go!

I'm writing this now because I'm not quite sure when next I shall write. This time tomorrow I'll be on my merry way to spend several days in dear old Blighty. I'm so looking forward to it - not least because I'll be catching up with friends and relatives whilst sightseeing and taking our two youngest to experience the sights and sounds of London. The last time they were there, they were four and six years old respectively so this time, at ten and twelve, they should be better able to enjoy all the things we will do.

The preparations for such a trip take a disproportionate amount of time and effort but the hope is that everything will be plain sailing, no stone will be left unturned and that all and every cliche known to man shall be used in hastily blogging these words of farewell. Lest the marauding masses be on hand to study our every move I shall refrain from blogging our itinarary, but you can be sure that I will report back in detail at the end of the month.

Don't forget me while I'm gone!

Prom

Having our very own all-American prom queen in the house is interesting from the British mum's point of view. I've heard that proms are now becoming popular in the UK but they were something I'd only ever seen in American movies until I came here 16 years ago. The whole prom business is a new experience for both mother and daughter. I've never been been to one and neither has she.

My beautiful size 2 daughter is blessed with a figure and a popularity which I could not even have dreamed of at her age. She's a high school freshman and she's been invited to the Junior prom, so we were thrown into to this comparatively early by age, but rather late in the day for dress shopping. I never realised what a business it was. For a start, who'd have thought we'd be frequenting bridal shops to try on dresses? I, who have never purchased any single garment for more than $50 for myself, find myself watching my 15-year old try on $350 dresses and actually considering buying them! Behind all the practical thinking and my dismay at the costs involved, there is a starry-eyed me who sighs and says 'Wow! I can't believe my child is doing this'. It's all so glamorous and since my own day of glamour was confined to my wedding day, it's hard to realise that we might be doing this again next year.

We have looked at many many prom dresses and the one she's in love with was the first one she tried on. It's completely gorgeous, very impractical and far too much money. Unless she's going to stand around looking statuesque in a Nicole Kidman sort of way and dance elegant waltzes, the dress is going to suffer. Even if the dress survives the prom and the high heels remain painfully on the feet, what happens at the after-prom party? That's the part I really don't understand. It's being held at a local sports centre. There's nowhere to sit comfortably with a drink and certainly it isn't a place for a bedazzling sequinned gown - there are just indoor soccer fields. What are they going to do? Are they going to run around playing soccer in their finery? Apparently they're going to be there until 5am and I suspect she will have had enough before that.

We still haven't found the right dress and unfortunately most of the remaining size 2 dresses are not to her taste. The Dream Dress has already been purchased by a girl at the same high school and the store will only sell two identical dresses to girls from one school - the idea being one for each prom (Junior and Senior). Unfortunately they could not tell us which prom the other girl was going to, so either they or we take a chance on showing up and finding a twin, or we look for something else. Personally it wouldn't bother me at all to find myself wearing the same outfit as someone else - I would find it amusing and would probably go and make a joke aobut it with the other woman. But I think that's just the British way, because apparently here it's considered something of a social faux pas. So we continue shopping.

I'm proud and excited to have a gorgeous all-American daughter going to her first prom with her boyfriend. I want to run around making a fuss and taking photos but actually I probably won't say very much at all because that's also the British way. It's glamorous and exotic though.... like having a real American mailbox on a stick.

Post Script
After another afternoon of dress hunting, we returned to the first shop and even after trying a couple more styles, we ended up buying the Dream Dress and sharing the cost between us because we learned that the other girl is a senior and is therefore (probably) going to the senior prom. The dress is every bit as exotic as we remembered and we have one very happy daughter. :)

Disregard everything I ever wrote

One of the least (and most) endearing parts about keeping a journal is that the past remains in the present. The words I (or you) wrote last week when you (or I) felt depressed or happy are still there in the present and re-reading them can bring back the moment and wonder at what made me (or you) feel that way. Such are the tricks the mind plays.

Two thoughts come to mind this morning.
1. In order to live fully in the present one must leave the past where it is.
2. Reading about what you (or I) did last week/month/year is stopping me (or you) from doing something interesting today!

I'm off to work now. I shall observe and interact with my tiny world and make the most of every minute of this sunny, windy day.

One thing leads to another

The reason people "never have enough" is partly due to clever marketing but mostly because one thing inevitably leads to another. Sometimes I think I must be an advertiser's dream customer because I subscribe to several email "notifications" from online retailers and frequently I click on the links to "shop now" or "save money now". I would save a lot more by not clicking in the first place, but click I do, and the click becomes a browse which leads to an "add-to-cart" which sometimes (but not always) leads to checkout and payment. I'm a spur of the moment shopper and actually my most successful shopping has been done that way.

So last week I clicked, browsed, added-to-cart and purchased (with a coupon code for discount and free shipping) a delightful spring jacket in periwinkle blue, the cross-country progress of which I dutifully tracked. (Inexplicably it spent a full 36 hours less than five miles from my home while it was transferred from FedEx to the USPS so it could be delivered as slowly as possible and thereby justify the free shipping.) Anyway it eventually arrived with the mail. I opened the package, hoping it would be what I hoped it would be. It was, and I loved it. Of course, online shopping does have its drawbacks and one of them is that the colour turned out to be rather more leaning towards purple than blue with an intensity that wasn't obvious in the photograph. No matter, it was a lovely colour and I put it on. Beautiful!

Of course that isn't the end of the story. As I looked in the mirror an inkling of doubt began to grow. That gorgeous colour.... will it go with the much admired new handbag I'd nabbed recently at a bargain price? The bag itself was an impulse buy occasioned by the loss of another bag which I left in a restaurant in New York. It is of a style and colour I wouldn't normally have considered buying but it was only $6 and would serve the purpose. I've grown to be rather proud of it though because everywhere I go, women stop me and say how much they like it! Really, they do! In the course of three days it was admired at the high school, the hairdressers and the mall. So I've grown to love it and want to make use of it until it goes out of fashion.

So back to the jacket. And the bag. They do not look good together. The jacket does not look good with my new royal blue top nor the rest of the clothes in my closet either. The only thing it looks good with are jeans and black or navy bottoms and white, black or navy tops. The bag is a non-starter unless you're one of those who thinks that bold clashing colours look good together, but while I've adopted and accepted many of the clashing colour combinations which were unthinkable twenty years ago, turquoise (with strong yellow tendencies) and periwinkle (with strong red tendencies) are not a happy couple.


One thing led to another and within the hour I was wearing both the jacket and the bag (if one wears a bag) and set forth to find a couple of T shirts to go with the jacket and a replacement bargain bag for use with the jacket. I managed to visit five different shops in the space of an hour and a half and found hundreds of bold and brash bags in every colour and price but nothing I liked as much as the one I had. I couldn't find any tops either. Then I went to BJs and to my surprise I found two very nice shirts for $6 each: one white and one periwinkle which was a paler version of the colour of my jacket! What luck I thought. Until I got them home and tried them on and found I could only button them if I pulled and breathed in. Not a pretty sight.

So the quest continues, but until I have some success I shall wear my clashing jacket and bag, because I need them with me to compare colours in the shops.